Grief

Grieving is an extremely powerful emotional response. It overwhelms you, stretching to every corner of your mind, body and soul. You experience an array of awful sensations, one minute your gasping for air, as if you’re drowning, next it feels as though theres a mountain sitting on your chest, crushing you. Grief is the most intense form of sadness you could possibly ever endure.

In my experience, and after a bit of research, grief has affected me relatively "normally." I have gone through and continue to go through some expected stages of grief associated with the type of circumstance in which the death happened. Denial, anger, depression, and guilt.

Everyone processes the news of a death differently. But everybody grieves. It's a natural emotional response to the news that a loved one has gone. Theres a lot of wild theories and studies floating around about certain stages of grief, whilst some of the feelings and responses are spot on, the order in which people experience them will always differ. Denial is a tricky one. In my previous post I talked about my aunt, who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In cases of terminal illness, the denial stage can come well before the actual death, and in my family's case, this was very much the general consensus. Denial, in terms of my father's passing and how that came about, is a stage of grieving that, honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever get over. This goes hand in hand with guilt in my case. There will always be those "what ifs." And what I am learning is that it's okay to have those what ifs, but it's also okay to not allow them to take over, its okay to get on with your own life. I’ll probably be holding on to that guilt for the rest of my life, but not as intensely, and I won't be focusing on it, it’ll just be there, in the back of my mind.

Depression comes in many forms and, for some, you may not even realise you have it. Grieving for a loved one can trigger a depression, of course; again it's a completely natural response. I’ll talk about depression in more details another time.

Grief is a potent coping mechanism for humans and even animals. It can gobble you up in an instant, and if you let it, it will keep you there. If you’re experiencing grief, you are not alone. Although it may feel like you are, no one is ever alone. Take that alone time that you need, but try to balance that out with spending time with the people who really care about you, and whom you care about. If I could give one tip to anyone going through the grieving process, it would be to not be afraid to laugh out loud. We are all human, we all go through a whirlwind of emotions on a daily basis, it's what we do. Sometimes it can get us into trouble, sometimes it can bring about lasting memories of happiness/sadness/remorse/guilt, you name it, our brains are capable of it.

Grief is a natural process, I am learning not to shy away from expressing those feelings. In the beginning I saw myself as weak every time I cried out for help or let intrusive thoughts take over, except now I feel like those early stages of grieving and my being so vulnerable, has made me stronger now than I’ve ever been. Experiencing a death, and going through an intense grieving process, has started to shape who I want to be, a strong woman, a confident woman. Someone not afraid to say yes or no. Someone who, sadly thanks to some intense emotional trauma, can rise up from the ashes a new, wiser human.

Its okay to grieve.