Growing up to a Teenager

As a teen, I got really worried about growing up. It started in middle school, I had overthought all of the shit I had to do when I grow up. Like paying bills, having to buy food, especially trying to buy things that you always wanted. This caused me to have anxiety and depression, all because I was so worried about my future. And the worst thing is that they don't really teach what you actually need to be a grown up, you have to learn from your parents, but my parents never really had the time to teach that stuff.

I never really understood the meaning of "growing up,"—like, does it mean you have matured to be finally accepted by this society or is it just a label for your age? Everyone has a different life and we all age differently, so we can act any age we want no matter how old we are. I'm 17 and my friends and family said that i act like I'm 12 years old. I don't know if that is a bad thing to have. Hell, I could be 89 and still act like I'm 12 years old. I mean, you can't say that your too old unless you feel like your too old for some stuff right?

I feel like one of the hardest things about growing up is trying to get the job you always wanted. When you get a job, you're in competition with others who also wants that job. You need a really good resume so that the person hiring will see that you good enough and qualify for that particular job. And some people like to lie on their resume, just to have a job and earn good cash. To me, I want a job where I can express my creativity and expand it to make something that has a lot of meaning to it. I also want to be an independent fine artist (self employed). I can't see myself working for someone else and having them giving me bullshit because i'm trying to earn cash to survive, I have too much of an attitude to be dealing with that, but I guess that's part of ''growing up" huh?

Some of you might have already experience this or is about to, but when your parents kicks you out at the age of 18, with no clue on what to do with your life. I understand that they are trying to make you more independent on yourself, but trying to survive with little-to-no money is a struggle. Plus, having college, it's really a struggle. I feel like that is not the right thing to do (in my opinion), I mean, you just became an adult, with having no mind-set on what to do from that point on. It worries me just to think that I have to get ready and save up money just for that particular reason.

I remember having this talk with my friends and boyfriend. I asked them what they wanted to do after graduation. The most answer I got from them was, "I have no clue." That made me think that we don't really put too much thought into future until it actually happens at that point. Hell, we don't even know what college to go to yet. I guess we focused on staying in school and being young and stupid throughout our lives. This is our last year being a teen, still acting the way we are, and not knowing how we are going to end up in the future. We do stupid shit just so we don't think about our current problems. It's childish, I know, but that's what a lot of teens like me love to do.

I don't know whats going to happen in the future. I might have three dogs and call them my kids just to avoid having real children. I might become a famous fine artist and have many fans and live the life I actually wanted. I could be an animator for a famous director. Who knows, I just hope that I don't struggle like I am now.