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Help Me, I'm Drowning: My Life With GAD

How I Live My Life and Cope With Generalized Anxiety Disorder

By Sierra GeorgePublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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"I can't breathe, dad, I can't breathe."

These words were so painful to speak as I cried out to my dad while going through another panic attack. Tears were streaming down my face like a fast river current. My chest was on fire, my throat was raw from crying, and I just felt like I was suffocating and my heart would just explode and give out. I felt like I was dying. My mind was racing with a million thoughts going through my head, but all I remember now is wanting it to stop, for the pain to stop and for me to be able to breathe again. Eventually, I was able to. But like all mental illness, it was trial and error to find what worked and what didn't. That's what I am here to tell you now.

Reading

You know that place you had in your mind when you were little? Your happy place where you could do anything and be anything, whether it was real or imagined? You could be anything you want, see anything you want, and do whatever you wanted. I never had that growing up. In order to silence my racing thoughts and be able to float above water, I had read and visualized the characters in the books I had along with their personalities and how they interacted with other characters and the role they played in the novel. I eventually was able to follow them throughout the pages and see them and the settings that were familiar to them, and soon they became familiar to me, as well. In each book, a world in my mind was forged, planets of all shapes and sizes with different atmospheres and moons.

Music

My mood is always changing, and when my anxiety flares like a wildfire, my place of solace is in the musical galaxy that I have created for myself. Using my visualization skills, I was able to turn the music I heard echoing in my ears and mind into a kaleidoscope of color. It's like those colored speakers you see on TV, only it's all around you and stretches for miles that it is infinite. With each genre of music out there is a color to go with it. The musical galaxy is a great and amazing tool I use and has worked for me since I was fourteen years old. It's a very easy tool to for me to use. I just plug in my earbuds and let my mind go and just imagine what kind of color would fit the song. Is it slow and melodic? Or fast and upbeat? Whatever it may be, there is a color for it that I can see. You can make your own musical galaxy, too, with your own color palette. It's inside all of us and is just waiting to be used.

Dance Cardio

The man you see saluting is Caleb Marshall. I found him and his amazing workout videos on Youtube to wear out my anxiety. These videos were a life saver. I work out to these videos every day and to the point where I am so worn out my mind cannot be so active because it is focused on bringing my body back into balance. These videos are high paced and you are using your entire body instead of just your upper or just your lower parts and that is what I enjoy the most. It's a great way to exercise and be healthy, but it's even better for those with GAD. I highly suggest people go to YouTube and at least watch one of these videos.

Listening to My Heart (Literally, not referring to the song.)

This is my last coping mechanism because I only use this one when I feel a panic attack coming. When my chest starts to feel warm and is aching, I close my eyes and block out all noise, even the soft ones. I focus on my heartbeat and affirm to myself that I am alive, I am well, and that I will be okay. I remind myself that I don't control my anxiety because my anxiety does not control me. I tell myself that I coexist with my anxiety because as long as I am breathing in this world and open my eyes to the blue sky every morning that my anxiety exists. But it does not define me as a person and how I am perceived by others.

These are my tools. These are my coping mechanisms that took time finding after several trials and errors. I can live with my GAD peacefully now, and so can you. Just take the time to find them and you will be able to live peacefully like I do. It won't be easy because mental illness is several things—easy will never be one of them. But it's not impossible.

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About the Creator

Sierra George

I'm really an open book and write whatever I feel at the moment. I feel passionate about many things and just write whatever I feel in my heart.

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