Heroin

This is a song I wrote about my struggle with addiction. I wrote this song before a relapse I had years ago during a horrible spout of depression. It took a lot for me to be able to openly acknowledge how I was feeling at this time without letting it consume me. So, I ended up turning those feelings into a song to better help me cope. It helped me to get those feelings out, and it was almost like exposing them set me free somehow. It's a very hard song to share, to expose myself, but as a recovering addict, I know it will be understood by a lot of people. Maybe might even help someone choose the road to recovery, instead of continuing on the path of self destruction.

Because I can promise you, that if you're an active addict, you can get better. You can find help, and there are good support systems out there. You can beat this. I know because I did. It's a daily fight, and you have to be willing to get up and push through the hardest days to get to the easier ones. You have to be willing to break ties with all temptations, including people. And that's probably the hardest part once you get past the detox phase. But I promise it's worth it. Your life is worth it. You will make new friends, healthier friends.

This was me at a hard time in My life. Today I'm going on two years clean off heroin. I have been happily married to my best friend for a little over a year now, and we have a beautiful son together. I'm no longer homeless, and depressed, and suicidal. I am enjoying all the things I used to be passionate about again. I'm an advocate for recovery and helping others so that they don't end up like my friends and my mom. Everyone deserves a chance at life. At a beautiful life.

Feeling the way I felt when I wrote this song, that's not life. There was no hope left. No faith in anything. I don't miss that life. I never want to go back to this. I had to get clean on my own. I didn't have family to support me, because all my family consisted of was addicts. It was hard. The rest of my family stopped talking to me years ago, because of me being trans. So, I had the urge to give up on my recovery a lot. Just because nobody supported me, so why keep trying. But my reason was simple. Because I needed to live better for me. Because I knew deep down, I would draw in good people, and be able to give myself a better life, if I could fight this through. And I did. And here I am today. I'm happy, I'm healthy, I love myself, my friends are great people, I have my own family now and I'm going to give my family a better life than what I was given, and better than what I was giving myself in the past.

You can do it too. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. Even if you slip. Take it one day at a time. Get back up, and push harder than you did before. Find what you loved, and fall in love with it all over again. Whether that be music, dancing, cooking, working on cars, nursing, being a parent, making art, anything. And get into therapy. Learn what the root of your demons are and conquer it. Deal with it in a healthier way. You can do it. I believe in you. Learn to believe in yourself.