Hope

This is not a fairy tale. There are no happy endings here.

Her heart hurts all the time. Not physically, thankfully. However, all she ever feels is pain. She could be perfectly fine one minute and then the next she wants to break down and cry. Perhaps it's the fact that in her heart of hearts she believes she's destined for greatness. Something so powerful and so profound, completely out of the ordinary, and yet her life is nothing of the sorts. She's so far from being anything other than a shut-in that her soul can feel the devastation. She's only 25 and feels as though she's lived a lifetime because of the internal battles she’s faced. Nevertheless, one could argue, she hasn't lived at all.

Truthfully, she's not exactly sure why it hurts the way that it does. Nothing terrible has ever truly happened to her. Nothing major at least. She was bullied at a young age which forced her to retreat inwardly. But, she believed that she overcame the effects of the abuse. Maybe it's had a bigger impact on her psyche than she realizes. Amber is what you would call a loner. She's never really had any real friends. Some come. A lot go. Through it all she tries to hold on to hope that it'll pass. That this proverbial darkness plaguing her mind, heart, and soul will be lifted. She prays that one day she'll be happy. One day all this would be a distant, possibly unpleasant, memory.

Depression is real. It's a dark cloud that rolls into town and hovers. It hovers over its victim. It's not an ordinary cloud. Instead of rain falling down, it sucks the life and anything good out of that poor soul. It takes and takes with no regard to its host. Gratefully, it never stays. Unfortunately, it never leaves for good. It's like the ever changing, ever permanent ocean. One minute you're floating in calm seas and the next thing you know, there's a massive tidal wave that pulls you under holding you there. You're stuck, fighting to loosen its grip on you. All you want is fresh air. All you want is a chance to breathe. But, through it all, like the ocean, it will never fully leave.

At least that's how Amber feels. Having been bullied so young for the length that it happened, she learned quickly how to be alone. She can't remember if she ever had an imaginary friend, but for as long as she can remember, she's lived in her head. Her daydreams have brought her solace in and out of the dark times. Unfortunately, living only within her head has hindered her from growing up, from moving on. As if the time in her head is different from time in the real world. In Amber's mind, she's still a teen living at home.

Her fantasy world is her happy place. As you can see, she's comfortable with being alone. She doesn't need a large group of friends and doesn't need to go to parties. At times, she prefers being all by herself. You can't get hurt in fantasy land. Or so she once thought. Truthfully, she just wants to be understood. She wants someone to see her. To really see her without the rose-colored glasses. Amber wants what everyone craves, love. To love and to be loved in return, as the saying goes.

But, Alas! Not everyone suffers from depression; therefore, not everyone understands the struggles others go through. It's an ugly monster. A demon even. One that should be handled delicately. Especially when it's attached. Attached to a lonely soul.