Joseph Barrett
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How Do You Know If You Are Lost?

... Or if you have lost?

Life, it's hard.  Everyone may repeat that phrase sometime within their lives, followed by a reason or excuse. The reason could be that life is hard, because of money, or because of what people have done to them, or the hand they've been dealt. I've felt all that too, but there's a simple thing to remember: life can always get worse, even if it's difficult to see how, the trick is to see the lights worth the sight.

The light is defined by you, throughout your life, there will be lights, even if you don't recognize them. The fleeting moments where you unexpectedly smile, when someone surprises you with a kind deed, the few things in the world that make life worth living. What's worth living is defined by you. For me, it's my daughter and my wife.  That's it, nothing else in this entire world, that I see worth the breath.

I have severe depression, I have severe anxiety, whatever else I have I don't know. No one who had the job to help me, the ones who got paid big dollar, chose not to. It wasn't just one either, it was dozens. Doctors, lawyers, police, family. If they didn't do more harm to me, they looked on as I suffered. The pain of knowing that help wont come to you, even when it's supposed to, is high.  But the pain of your loved ones watching helplessly as you die, is the worst.

Imagine, the moment after five years of suffering, finding out someone could help you, very easily.  So simply that it was painful; shock, joy, pain.  One doctor saved my life and it was so easy, those other doctors went out of their way and purposefully watched on as I was slowly dying in front of my daughter.

You can focus on the worst parts, and the worst parts abound; you can focus on the best parts, and they are few.  The third option, is to focus on it all. All things can push you, all things can be reasons to go on. You don't receive help, you be the help. You get ignored, you give attention.  People say be the change you want to see.  It's not that simple, people are still going to try to hurt me. I'm a target, it will always happen, I've accepted this. Things can and will always get worse. If karma is real, then I'm waiting for the good, because I'm owed a hell of a lot of it. But I've found some good: my wife and daughter.

They are the light in this world to me, a world that seems fully against me.  Life is against me, death brought me more comfort than life ever has. But, my wife and daughter are the only comfort, the only good.  And I've had so much happen to me even after having them in my life, that I'm okay with having just that. They to me are the light worth seeing, surrounded by absolute darkness. I live with the worst, to see the best.  If you don't know the best or the worst, then you're lost. If you give up or focus on only one or the other, you've lost. The worst can teach and show you what the world needs. The best is for you, and to try your best to help someone else find their best.

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How Do You Know If You Are Lost?
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