How I Saved My Mental Health

I guess I was always a worried, anxious person growing up, but never had I addressed it or identified it as a problem to my daily life.

I had my very first panic attack when I was 20 years old. I was sitting with friends, watching some TV and suddenly, my heart started pounding out of my chest. It was literally so intense that even my friends were freaked out. I was sweating, I felt numb, my chest was so tight. “Oh my goodness, am I having a heart attack?” It was an awful feeling. During a phone call to medical services, something just clicked. “I think I am having an anxiety attack.”

Eventually I managed to stop myself from hyperventilating and calmed down. Still in shock, so confused and drained, I visited the hospital later that night where I was advised to see my GP. Many appointments and tests later, I was diagnosed with anxiety, panic disorder and depression.

My GP’s first solution was anti-depressants. People have different views on pharmaceuticals, and as much as it may have helped with my illness, I did not want to rely on medication at such a young age. You are advised to allow 4 weeks for the tablets to start working, by which point the panic attacks had significantly decreased, along with my humanity. Months went by, and although some days were better than others, my mental health was still at a very fragile state. I felt numb, empty. My personal life wasn’t in a very good state either if I’m honest. In and out of jobs, dealing with mental and emotional abuse from someone, living in a very untidy condition, and just general lack of any happiness or good fortune in my life. I was low. And yes, “sleeping forever” did cross my mind more times than I would have liked. I was branded “psychotic”, nobody seemed to understand my behaviour, and people were generally fed up of me. The list can go on, but let’s talk about my recovery...

After months of trial and error on various anti-depressants, I finished my last packet and decided not to go back for more. I removed myself from the situations and surroundings that were causing me distress. I WAS going to beat this. As much as I felt like giving up, I was determined not to.

My second step to healing was writing a journal. Whenever I was feeling low, anxious or just wanted to be creative, I would write my thoughts down. Nothing specific, just whatever was building up inside my mind. I soon realised that this was a very effective and calming way to release any thoughts that were not serving a good purpose for me. No matter how late it was, or what I was doing, I would just write until I was satisfied. This allowed me to look back and recognise thought patterns or events that were causing me to panic or worry. It also gave me a sense of hope comparing the progress of my healing. It was a nice feeling indeed, but I still had a long way to go.

Next up, Ibiza.

I had always wanted to pack my bags and jet off somewhere in the sun, to live and have fun. Now before I go any further here, let me just add, I do not believe that any specific place can heal your mental health. Everyone has a different path in life, and some things are meant for people whilst other things are not. I think the main thing that came from this was that I was leaving normality, my comfort zone, and scaring the anxiety out of me. I got a one way flight, ended up with a job in a kitchen, and had the Summer of my life. Well, one of them anyway. I learned so much about life, and most importantly myself. All my friends and family doubted me, I proved them wrong. I proved to myself that I could achieve anything I wanted, as long as I was willing to put my heart in to it. Determination, kindness and a strong will kept me going.

As much as being away really helped my mental state, I still suffered from panic disorder and mild anxiety. The battle was not over, but I was willing to keep fighting.

The law of attraction. When we focus on something, put all of our thought and effort into it, we attract that into our lives. Good or bad, our energy and thoughts project out into the Universe and come back to us in many different ways. This may sound ridiculous to some people, but answer this. Has there ever been a time where you thought of something you did not want to happen, and it did? Or you’ve found yourself in a “coincidental” moment that just does not make sense? You attracted that. Your thoughts and energy brought that into your life. So, going back to my journey, when I found out about the law of attraction, I slowly began changing my thoughts. I started practicing a more positive approach to life. From bad to good, I noticed that this powerful Universal law really does work. And now to this day, I use it to shape my life and attract amazing things. From barely holding down jobs, to receiving many different offers of employment. Drama’s and traumatic events, to happy and meaningful encounters. It all begins with a thought. A positive, happy one.

The last and most important step of all, was gratitude. Everyday I would practice waking up and saying out loud, “today will be a great day.” And at the end of that day, I would say “thank you.” I would start to appreciate the smaller things, the people around me, the food on my plate, the clothes on my back. The important things in life began to make sense, and when you realise how small and simple these things are, the more fulfilling your life starts to get. Stop complaining, start appreciating, and watch your life change.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still have tough days. I still get those anxious moments, those distressing thoughts, but I can change it around so much easier than before. I shift my focus on to a more positive thought, and I think about all the things I am grateful for.

Everyone’s illness is different, everyone’s story is unique. Some form of help may work better for some than it does for others, but I can guarantee that if you apply these small changes into your daily life, you will notice a big improvement.

Start believing in yourself, start focusing on what you DO want to happen, what you DO want to feel and start saying thank you. It all begins with you. Trust your gut. Let the magic of the Universe amaze you, and keep fighting.

You WILL beat this.