How to Embrace Introversion

There are a lot of introverts in this world, but society in general seems to have pretty strong expectations of extroversion, or at the very least extroverted behaviour. Susan Cain's bestselling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking has helped many an introvert to realize they're not alone in the world, but it takes another step to get to the point of embracing introversion.

I wore an extroverted veneer through much of my time at university, aided in large part by alcohol. As I've gotten older, though, my behaviour has become much more consistent with my introverted core. I'm not interested in pretending to be something I'm not; I've gotten to a stage in my life where anything that's not true to who I am just isn't going to work. In this post I'm going to share some of the things that helped me really connect to my introverted self.

Just say no.

Mingling at a party making small talk with people you don't know might just be an introvert's worst nightmare. If it's in any way optional, consider just saying no, that's not my thing. If other people aren't conforming to your world, why should you conform to theirs? Just like you wouldn't invite a friend who doesn't golf to join in your golf game, your friends that know you're an introvert should be able to wrap their heads around you not wanting to do mingle-y small talk.

When it's an event that you can't blow out of, set a time limit. If need be, forewarn the host. If it's a friend's big bash birthday party, tell them you really value their friendship so you're definitely going to be there for their big day, but you're going to skip out after an hour. Will that feel awkward? Maybe, but we're all responsible for establishing our own boundaries, and no one else is going to do it for us.

Do things solo.

Even if you're introverted, it may seem uncomfortable, and socially frowned upon to do things on your own. However, diving into solo outings can be a great way to find a balance between your desire to engage in certain activities, and your desire for you time. Once you overcome that initial psychological barrier, it's really not difficult.

I first got comfortable with solo outings when I was backpacking on my own internationally. I really had no alternative, so I needed to just go ahead and do things. Besides that, I was already pretty conspicuous as a traveller, and that was definitely going to outweigh any conspicuousness of being out and about on my own.

Going out for dinner solo on a Friday night probably isn't the easiest place to start. Weekday lunches out are pretty easy to do, especially if it's a restaurant where you can sit at the bar. Chances are there will other people eating alone on their lunch break from work, so you're less likely to feel out of place. Weekend matinee movies, especially shows that are not brand new releases, tend to have a pretty laid back vibe that will feel more comfortable on your own.

Build in recovery time.

Social engagements can be exhausting, especially those involving small talk with strangers. You're far better off admitting that to yourself than expecting yourself to miraculously bounce back from mental worn-outness. The amount of recovery time you need will likely vary depending on the type of event involved, but the setting of the recovery time should ideally be at home with no extraneous people floating around.

It may seem a bit silly to carve out rest time following social events, but social energy comes in finite amounts. When that amount is depleted, we need to recharge. For introverts, that recharging comes from alone time. It's the mental equivalent of having a rest day after a long run.

Make no excuses.

You're allowed to be introvert. Extroverts aren't expected to make excuses for their preferences, so why should you? Owning and embracing your true introverted self is probably going to make you feel freer, and it may just make you happier as well.