How To Help a Loved One with Depression

Depression is a horrible thing to live with, no matter your situation. It is made so much worse when the ones you love don't treat you with respect or compassion. Before I go further I would like to clarify that I am speaking of clinical depression and not being depressed due to grief, though some of my advice may still be helpful to that situation.

Clinical depression is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that can be caused by any number of things. A change in hormones due to pregnancy or an imbalance in the thyroid. It can also be caused by naturally occurring imbalances in the brain with serotonin and dopamine, just to name a few examples. Because of the various causes for depression it can be incredibly hard to pinpoint and treat the problem. If your problem is thyroidal, but you're receiving a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, that's not going to do as much good as treating the thyroid itself.

Because depression is a biological problem, the person suffering from it is not in control and will likely need medication to balance their hormones to start feeling better. So please do not under any circumstance make jokes about them being crazy or needing to take a chill pill. They are mentally ill, which is just as valid as any other illness. You wouldn't tease someone for undergoing chemotherapy to treat cancer, would you?

Another thing that many people do not understand is that depression is not a conscious choice. You can't decide to be happy and force it to happen with depression. Suggesting yoga or meditation may help you deal with stress or anxiety, but those tasks can be impossible for someone with depression. Depression in my experience is a weight pressing down on every part of your body. The smallest of movements can take great effort to accomplish and you're so fatigued afterwards that the thought of doing anything else is exhausting. Some days are worse than others. Some days I would try to force myself to take a shower, get dressed and meditate, other days I would lie in bed awake, staring at the ceiling hoping to die when I closed my eyes again, just to be free from the pain. So please, do not insist that yoga will fix their problem or positive thinking will cure them. You're only going to make them upset.

Something you should do when a loved one opens up about their depression is listen. Don't offer suggestions unless they ask for some. Only offer your company and your support. Hold them if they need to cry, make them a cup of tea and make it clear that they can always reach out to you in a time of crisis. There's nothing worse than being in that dark place, wanting to end it all and feeling like no one will care if you disappear. Tell them how much you love them and offer to help them. If they are too scared to reach out to a professional for help on their own, help them make that connection. Walk them into the doctor's office and wait with them if that's what they need. Depression has a funny way of making you feel utterly alone; remind them that they aren't.

Please keep in mind that it takes a long time to heal and get better, one visit to a psychiatrist won't cure anyone. Antidepressants take between six and eight weeks to start showing any effects, and even then the first one might be treating the wrong problem. This is going to be a long, hard journey. But if it's frustrating for you just remember that you're on the outside looking in, you aren't experiencing this. Most people with depression live with it for years before seeking help, and they are far more frustrated than you are. Please offer your love and support for as long as it takes and longer, you don't know how much we need it.