I Am Not Ashamed
I changed my outlook on dealing with depression, and that changed my depression. Now, I'm ready to share my story with the world.
I am a lot of things. I am a writer. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. A best friend. An artist. A dreamer. A painter. A poet. An auntie. A cousin. A granddaughter. A human.
I am a lot of things, but what many people don’t know is that I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am a warrior. I fight demons every single day that no one else sees. I struggle all the time and yet I put on a brave smile. I am a survivor of depression.
Someone once told me that I use my depression as an excuse. Because of that, I was always scared to speak about it. Scared to tell people why I seemed sad or why I didn’t want to hang out with them last Saturday night or why I haven’t been myself. I was even scared to admit I had depression. No more. I will not be ashamed of this. Not anymore.
I have depression. Some days I don’t feel it. Some days I do. Some days I am motivated. Other days I am not. Sometimes I feel like I couldn’t be happier and I am exactly where I should be, and then a moment later, it’s as if everything in the universe has changed and I am a sad, lost soul with no purpose.
One thing though, that has always been set in my mind, however, is that this is not a choice. I do not choose to feel sad. I do not choose to feel this way. It is an illness. It is an illness that I choose to accept, acknowledge, and aspire to lessen the effects of. I will not shrink away in fear of acknowledgment, for that does no good. I will tell my story so that I can teach others how I came out victorious, and how they can too! I will accept that I was born with this and I cannot change that, but I can change my outlook on what I deal with, and I can continue to work towards a happier me. Sometimes I will stumble, and I might need some help to keep on going, but that’s okay! Help isn’t bad. Help is good! Help is humble. It shows that we aren't afraid to accept the helping hand of someone who loves us and truly wants to be there to support us.
So open your windows. Let that fresh air in on a ten-degree day and when people ask you why? Tell them this, “I have depression and it’s okay. I am doing what I need to do to be happy,” and do just that. Do what you need to do to be happy. Don’t worry about that girl in freshman year who told you that you were just a weird goth, or that jock who said you weren’t good enough. Accept yourself and accept what life gives you. Also, be sure to accept others, because that girl in freshman year might’ve been having a rough time at home, or that jock might’ve been scared to admit you were all he’d ever wanted. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they were just jerks. Either way, let go of that resentment and move forward in your endeavors. You can’t control what others say and do, but you can control your response to their words and actions. Live your life with depression and let your light shine!
~ Rowan K.
About the Creator
Rowan Koehler
I write what I'm passionate about and what makes me feel something. Whether that's an article, or a story, or a poem.
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