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I Hate You. Don't Leave Me

How I Maintain a Healthy Intimate Relationship with Borderline Personality Disorder

Relationships with BPD are anything but simple, both the person with BPD and the one without it can feel as if they are always treading on eggshells in a constant war zone. People with Borderline Personality Disorder have extreme difficulty maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone. From intimate relationships to relations with family members due to the dreadful symptoms that the disorder causes, which are mood swings, risky and impulsive behavior, and what I believe is the most severe, the cognitive-perceptual symptoms which involve suspicion, paranoia, and illusions.  All of these symptoms make the person with BPD feel as if they are ticking time bomb that they cannot control. As a person with this disorder, I know and have struggled to maintain a healthy relationship with the people I love due to the fact that I have a hard time trusting others because I am so afraid of them leaving me and abandoning me, which is the root cause of this disorder.

But having a healthy intimate relationship with BPD is not a lost cause, I am currently in a relationship with a man who understands my disorder and is with me through my highs and lows, who doesn't argue with me when I'm upset about something, instead of fighting, we talk and listen to each other and I always make sure to have a clear mind when I am upset to avoid any outbursts since I would end up saying awful things that I would never say if I was calm. Learning how to maintain a healthy relationship with the man I love is no easy feat, all of my past relationships that failed due to my BPD were like trial and error and even in this relationship, I'm still learning a lot even now.  

My advice to those who are living with BPD is to just be honest about what you feel if a person that you love and care about has hurt you. Honesty and trust are what keep a relationship healthy and alive, both of those things are hard to do when you have BPD because of the fear of abandonment that the person feels when they are hurting inside and want to say something but end up holding it in out of fear of retaliation. Don't hold all of your hurt and pain inside yourself. Talk to a friend, a lover, even a family member, because if the people you love truly love you, they will never turn their backs on you. Take it from me. 

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