I Killed Myself Today

June 19th 2018

I killed myself today.

It was harder than I thought.

The last few seconds brewed an ice storm through my fingertips. The slit down my arm separated like the Red Sea. My vision was a camera trying to refocus as my tears, filled with everlasting sadness, drip onto my twin sized mattress that carried the memories of my mother tucking me in. Those memories also carry the last time I heard the words "I love you." Though, they were kind of hard to hear between the glass breaking against the wall and the sound of my mother's heart shattering when you slammed the door for the last time. She always said love never existed. And I believed her when she left me behind too.

I wanted to die the same way my mother did. It feels like that's the only way I can be close to here again. I leaped into the air like I was diving straight into her arms. My last thought started with "What if someone could love me again..?

June 19th 2018

I killed myself today.

It was harder than I thought.

The last few seconds I brewed an Iced Vanilla Soy Latte with my fingertips. The slit down my heart was separated like the Rea Sea until the Moses inside of me decided to unite it back together. My vision was a camera trying to capture every simple beauty that life has to offer as my tears, filled with everlasting happiness, dripped onto my twin sized mattress that carried the memories of my mother tucking me in. Those memories also carry the last time I heard the worlds "I hate you" since, you told me to stop telling it to myself. Though, they were kind of hard to hear between your heartwarming hugs and the sound of your kind words mending my heart back together when you told me "I love you." She always said love never existed. But I didn't believe her.

I wanted to die the same way my mother did. It feels like that's the only way I can be close to her again. But instead of leaping off the building, I leaped into your arms like I was diving straight into hers. My last thought started with 'What if someone could love me again..?'

June 19th 2018

I killed myself today.

It was harder than I thought.

Because I killed the person who stopped hoping.

And became the person who believed.

My last thought started with 'What if someone could love me again..?'

And ended with "I do."

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for saving me.

(For: My soulmate that rescued me.)

This story focuses on the "What If's" people are thinking about. The little spark of hope that runs through their minds when one is thinking about suicide. And in this small story, the "What If's" change the character's life for the better. Happiness is achievable. It is possible. Keep fighting.

According to the World Health Organization, nearly 800,000 people die to suicide every year, which is equal to 1 person every 40 seconds. Suicide is the global leading cause of death among the age group between 15 years old and 29 years old and 78 percent of those suicides occurred in low and middle-income households.

Suicide is a growing epidemic and is slowly sweeping away the people of Earth. It's claiming our children, our mothers, our fathers, our loved ones. I've dealt with suicide within my self and within my loved ones as well. Experiencing the last few seconds of someone's life will haunt you for the rest of your existence. From everything that I have experienced, it has now caused a burning passion in my heart to help any and every person that is suffering from suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, and mental illness. I love connecting with people and lending a helping hand or a listening ear. I'm currently attending college to get my double major in psychology and social work. I volunteer at many local places and I work for a Head Start that educates parents on mental illness and teaching children the ability on how to identify feelings. If you or anyone you know is struggling with these issues, please use some of these resources I've listed down below. Or if you are comfortable enough, you can send me a message through my blog on Tumblr: Here.I'm here to listen.

Resources:

Websites

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Save
• UMTR2ME
• Crisis Textline

Apps

• Stay Alive
• Suicide Safe by SAMHSA
• TalkLife

Hotline

1-800-273-8255

Everyone's life means something. Please reach out to someone if you are struggling with any sort of issues.

- Much Love