Psyche logo

I'm Not Lazy, Just Depressed

It isn't an excuse.

By C RiderPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
1

Think of someone lazy. Most likely, you're envisioning a couch potato, lying around and eating instead of doing something meaningful. This doesn't always mean someone is lazy. This could also describe someone who's depressed. The difference is, lazy people want to be lazy. Depressed people, well, they can't help it.

To neurotypical people, aka people without mental health issues, getting out of bed every morning, eating, and socializing is a given most days. They're tasks that people don't pay much attention to, things you do everyday. However, to people with depression, accomplishing simple tasks like this seems like a massive hardship.

This is what some people don't understand.

I'm sick of being accused of being lazy when in fact, just getting out of bed is a daily battle. When you feel like you have nothing to get up for, no reason to do anything that day and you feel sad and tired, it's almost impossible to get up and get ready. Especially if there's something worrying us or a looming big task that seems impossible—getting out of bed just isn't easy... and that's only the first step of the day.

I envy people that can live every day and find it easy—and enjoy it. My boyfriend told me the other day that "life isn't hard, it's not," but how can he say that when every day life feels like it's on the toughest difficulty setting?

If it's not hard, then why am I sitting here day after day crying about yet another failure or bout of bad luck or just one more thing going wrong? When you have depression, even the smallest things going badly can ruin your day or tip the scales of our fragile state of distraction. Sometimes all you can do in a day is stick your head in a book or immerse yourself in TV to cope. To live as someone else for a brief moment.

Waking up and knowing you need to shower today, and shave, and clean, and do your hair and make-up and wash your clothes all before you can even start anything else is overwhelming. How come our race seems always littered with hurdles, while everyone else just takes off with ease? Life is genuinely like standing at the bottom of a huge mountain every day and having everyone yell at you if you don't climb to the top, while they're all there climbing hills and speed humps. Even if they do have hardships in their lives, it's much easier to overcome without depression. The mountain is possibly the same, but it's like you only have the climbing gear and the knowledge if you're not depressed.

I've tried to get help for my depression three times now. I gave up the last time as the doctor disagreed with everything I said, claimed I was a liar and a fake, and wrote false information down on my medical record as he would choose the opposite answer than I would give him. In the end, I was told I had self-esteem issues. I felt so invalidated.

It's a constant struggle, and people don't do enough to understand it. Most people think it's cut and dry to have a mental illness, you feel sad, go to therapy, then you feel better. It doesn't work like that.

Every day is a struggle. You have nothing to look forward to. You're in situations where you should be happy, but you're not. You have no motivation for anything. Nothing in life is interesting anymore. It's just a big load of nothingness—empty, hollow nothingness that eats you from the inside out. A disease you can't run from, only sit there and watch as it consumes your thoughts. You feel guilty for everything, especially the way you are with loved ones. Most of all, though, you feel worthless, like there's no hope and no point in anything.

So when you call me lazy, know that, in fact, I am trying very hard to do the things that you do. I try hard to find a career that I can stomach even though I know it won't give me any enjoyment. I try hard to get up and get ready every day, even if I think it's for nothing. I try hard to look after myself, my house and my family even though all I want to do is bask in sadness.

Small steps are steps. Moving a tiny bit is still moving forward. Any progress is good, and you shouldn't let people who don't understand our illness make you feel bad about it. If you've showered, eaten, kept hydrated and gone out of the house at least a tiny bit today then you should feel proud of yourself. Even if you didn't manage all of that, don't be too hard on yourself. There's always tomorrow.

Do you have depressed friends or loved ones? Here's what to do.

When you're depressed, it's easy to get stuck in a rut. You're stuck in the sadness, and it's almost impossible to get out. Everyone tells you how to get better even when they know nothing about what you're feeling.

"Why don't you just exercise? That'll make you feel better!" Or "Eating healthily will make you less depressed," or "Just get out there and do something! You're depressed because you don't do anything!"

It'd be great advice if it wasn't—actually, no. It's terrible advice. If it was as easy as that, I'm sure there would be much lower depression rates. The truth is, finding motivation to exercise, cook, shop, work and socialize is extremely hard. Instead of telling your depressed friend what to do, why not make it an invite?

"Do you want to go for a walk to get coffee with me?" Or "Here, I made extra (healthy food), would you like some?" or "Come to the beach with us!" Sounds a lot more approachable and helpful than the previous examples. Just small things like that can help someone who's depressed.

The first step to helping, however, must be understanding. If you judge someone with depression instead of trying to see things from their point of view, you're going to make them feel even worse. You need to see that this is an illness, not a choice, and we're not pretending. We don't want to be lazy, we don't like being depressed, it's just extremely hard to get out of, and we need you to understand this.

The best way to do this is to talk to your depressed friend. They may not be very open to it to begin with, but once you've made it clear you're here to help, not judge, there shouldn't be a problem. Not everyone with depression is the same, and everyone has their own little ways they like to be helped or way of talking to someone. For example, "tough love" works for some but definitely not for others. Also, don't force them to talk if they don't want to. They'll either come round naturally, or not at all.

Most of the time, you won't have to do anything. Just being there for your friend is enough most of the time. Being understood and listened to goes a long way, but don't feel like you need to be a therapist. Sometimes, all you need to be is someone that's there, and someone that understands.

We aren't lazy. We're depressed, and we need to start treating depression and other mental illnesses as serious as other illnesses. Depression kills, and suicide shouldn't be taken lightly. Suicide can be entirely preventable, yet so many people don't do anything to help people that are suicidal. It's time for people to stop judging mental illnesses. Without that stigma, more people can get better.

If you think you or a friend is struggling with depression, please try and get help.

depression
1

About the Creator

C Rider

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.