I Think I Broke My Brain

I think I broke my brain. No seriously, I think it packed up its hamster and wheel and just bolted. For the last few days, I have been in a real fog. It has been like watching myself and everyone/thing around me from a 50-yard distance. I know what broke it too, but I am not sure on how to fix it. Well, the ways I have tried have not worked at least. The worst part is, the worse this fog gets the more I feel like I am failing. Perfect example just happened, middle of that sentence my brain decided it wanted to scream, “CRAP, THE LAUNDRY!” I had started it this morning and so far have not finished a whole load and it is now a little after 6 PM. Oh boy, what am I gonna do with my brain?

I have what feels like a million and one tasks and ideas just floating and bouncing around. Swirling and mingling and trust me, the mingling is dangerous. No one likes it when their revenge snuff book mixes with their adorable children's book about a puppy. Yup, that cute adorable puppy went from pouncing and prancing through a field chasing butterflies to well... Cujo. Good thing was, I wasn't actually writing it at the time, at least not at my PC or in a notebook. There is also the four emails I sent out asking for donations to my charity.... addressed to the same lady, one who had already donated, and I was trying to remind myself I had to send her a card to thank her. When I say addressed to her, I don't mean the email address, I put her name in the “Dear X” part on four emails to four different people and none of them her. I also have a bunch of art projects I am working on: bracelets, a secret project for my mother-in-law, donation collection bins, crocheting “Lilly Packs,” a paint by diamond, handwritten notes of inspiration, hand created business cards (there is a story behind this), T-Shirts and various other item designs to create and sell on our website, the creation of memes for some pages on Facebook I run/help run, coming up with designs for promotional posts, fliers to raise awareness, and the occasional coloring in my book of Adult Words. Even while doing a project, my brain fog does not seem to lift, not entirely at least. Just enough to open the window to the other cause of my brain fog issues.

When the art starts, the fog will roll and into a new part of the brain to open more tabs and haze. It turns into a storm of questions and trying to figure out the answers. Soon the answer to how to raise the money to build our website with our own domain name and no ads is that I need to call my doctor's office and cancel my appointment because I just don't feel like it. I can reschedule it. Oh! While I am at that I should see if I can find anything else on Marketplace that someone may be willing to donate to the cause. *Opens Family Farm, looks over and starts baby talking the Axolotl* CRAP! What was I doing... Did I eat today? No... I should do that. When I got to the kitchen there were so many things just swirling and mixing I had to think to make pancakes and I still messed up. In fairness, the mother-in-law came into the kitchen and was talking to me, I think. Brain was gone by this time, I am not even sure how I got the pancakes done. You know what, I am pretty sure she was talking to me, but it was like I was 50 yards away. Heard some, well most of the words, but they made no sense to me and I couldn't get myself to look up from what I was doing, let alone respond. (Hopefully she reads this. As it turned out she had texted me to do something and I had my phone muted due to migraine the day before, so I hadn't seen the message, and she was talking to me telling me not to worry about it. Someone else was going to do it. I was so confused at what I was trying to understand that my brain just nope... I was half understanding a conversation about a message I had not gotten or seen.) The fog just rolled in even thicker. I spent the rest of the night looking at my PC screen, listening to Netflix but not watching it and holding a project. I accomplished nothing, I was a zombie. My head was a twister of things needing to be done and things that needed to be planned or figured out and the biggest panic of them all, where to get the funds... How to encourage donations and can I actually make this work?

Well, on that note I am going to wrap this up and see if I can find a way to install a lighthouse in my brain somewhere. I really need this fog to clear, so I can carry on with my nice long list of tasks that keep staring back at me waiting to be checked off.