In the Mornight

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe.

On a creaking mattress, I sat clutching a pillow to my chest staring at the glowing red bars of a digital clock my grandfather had gifted me while I was still in middle school. My eyes stayed fixed upon them, never blinking, as if anticipating they would do exactly that. Blink.

I turned on my side, attempting to remember all that had transpired only seconds before.

"Trees. Trees. Trees."

"THERE'S BLOOD ON THE WALLS!!!"

"There are no trees"

"You're slipping"

"Hey"

I grasped the sides of my head firmly searching for a button that couldn't be pushed. Why couldn't I turn off my mind? It was nights like these that were always the worst, and it was nights like these that were so frequent as of late. Sleep was all I hoped for. Sleep was all I wished, but too much noise and too much fear deprived me of this plague of restlessness.

What was the point of remembering? I'd ask myself. I'd only live to greet the next day, never giving rise to the thought of the events of the night before, only to be destined to experience the same fear, the same helpless existence yet again once the night came to strip away every amount of courage and every amount of peace I thought I did possess. I pressed my face against the pillow closing my eyes once more, finally feeling tired enough to ignore any distractions that attempted to crawl my way. My heartbeat slowed. My breathing softened. Assumably out of harm's way, I let my guard weaken, succumbing to the master that is sleep itself.

I awoke covered in a thin layer of sweat. On fire, but trembling as if my bed was made of ice. I stared it in the eyes. My soul left my body as it leaned in fast; closer, before it dissipated into the air around me. "What was that?" my brother queried, throwing his arms around me, holding me close. I shook my head violently, tears threatening to decorate my face with manifested fear. "Come on, let's go get you some water or somethin'" he said with a smirk hopping off the bed pulling me up with him. I nodded silently and together we ventured onwards, snaking our way through the halls, tiptoeing down the stairs, and finally into the kitchen. The sound of coffee being poured into a cup became ambient noise as I looked around frantically in every direction checking every corner for signs of something. Anything.

"There's nothing there, calm down" he assured with a soft chuckle. I frowned and grabbed the cup of coffee as it was offered to me. The warmth radiated through my fingertips, and soon my lips as well as I brought the rim of the cup up to meet them, sipping carefully at the hot beverage, cautiously avoiding injury. "What are you so afraid of anyway?" he asked, leaning back against the fridge and crossing his arms. Truth be told, I've no idea what it is that terrifies me so. That keeps me up at night and chips away at my sanity on a daily basis. I shrugged lazily in response and stared deep into my coffee. Admiring it for what it is. Internally praising it for all it's done. He ruffled my hair and sighed, stepping around the corner to stare out the window. A scenery of reddish hues and dusty blues painted the sky as the sun began to rise. "It's just a trick, you know? They're not really there." I sighed placing my cup down on the counter beside me feeling the warmth immediately leave my hands. Of course I knew the things I saw, heard, and felt weren't real. That didn't make them any less disturbing to encounter. I blinked away tears that seemed to have welled up from nowhere and aggressively gulped down the rest of my coffee slamming my cup back down in frustration. My body shuttered, hand tightly clutching onto the empty vessel for whatever stability it could give me. Looking towards the window, I watched the sun rise, shining bright, and erasing all traces of the night. "Just like you" I somberly whispered, as in the blink of an eye, my brother himself was erased as well. Leaving me alone with my thoughts; leaving me alone with myself.