It Is Ok to Be Broken

The word "Broken" has many perspectives, mostly negative. Most of us fear the idea of being broken. I watched myself break into pieces, parts that seems difficult to piece together. I feared that putting my self back together might be impossible and I was never going to be the same again. This thought paralyzed me and crippled my self-esteem. The fear seeped into my being, causing me to feel sad, lonely, unmotivated and ugly. This was depression, the scientific name for my brokenness. How could this have happened to me? This question lingers in the back of the victims' minds. The sheer disappointment in one's self is the preparation for war against one's mind. I felt the war within myself brewing, the anxiety swirling like a tornado.

My laugh faded with all the things that made me happy. I could not comprehend what was happening. This scary new me, unpredictable and dangerously confused. Is this normal? Does every teenager experience this? Is this part of the psychological development of the teenagers' mind? These questions lingered unanswered due to fear of asking and the consequence of stigmatization of depression. No teenager or anyone wants to feel out of place or significantly different from others. I wanted to be a "Typical person". Until I asked myself "what was a typical person?" What are the requirements of normalcy? The questions about my observations of the world and its philosophy were very deep, which caused me to become frustrated since I wanted the answers. I felt like I was fighting never-ending battles that were constantly waged by my own mind. I felt like I was fighting against myself, a battle for my mind.

I recognized that we should try to figure the answers out. Maybe it is our journey to walk. The questions I asked were all viewed differently. This made me realize that we all see differently. Therefore, we will all experience different things, good and bad. My mentality had now shifted to the thought of humans being different due to many factors such as upbringing, money, poverty, death, love, fulfillment, hatred, health and much more. I realized that being different was a similarity we all possess rather than the similarity of being similar. I decided to try and change how I saw and felt about depression. I wrote the emotions I felt during my phase of experiencing depression and I got to understand the reasons behind my changes of emotions. I wanted to change depression into something positive for my self.

I was more in tune with my emotions, I got to understand myself at a different level. I was not just a human with experiences, but a human whom understood her experiences and the emotions built around them. Being in tuned or having a relationship with your emotions can help with coping with the symptoms of depression. For instance, if you are feeling sad, understand the sadness and try to figure where it is stemming from. Afterwards, find something healthy that makes you feel better. Whether it is watching your favorite comedy show, playing a game, meeting friends or just listening to music. Depression is difficult to live with and may seem like a dark cloud looming over. However, the experiences from depression can help with the building of resilience in a person and the discovery of a new and improved you. It is ok to be broken, I think everyone is broken. A broken human is a new and more beautiful human with scars that shines through life, giving light to new uncertainties. Be happy with all of your broken pieces, they are tiny symbols of your victory battles.