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It's Always Fine, Until it Isn't

How To Fight Mental Illness When You Don't Even Know You're Fighting

By Renee AntoniaPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
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Let me preface this entire article by saying that anxiety and depression have been an active part of my life since I was 14. Now, as an almost 21 year old, I have learned how to handle these two destroying illnesses way better than I ever thought I would be able to. I have been able to find coping mechanisms and exercises that keep me right side up while my world is toppling down around me.

However, the thing is, anxiety and depression don't always show their face to you easily. They don't come out and say, "Hey! It's me, anxiety! I know you had plans to go to the mall, but cancel them. I think you should stay home alone." No, they are too smart to hide in the light, and because of that, you never really know you are struggling with one of them until it reaches it's breaking point.

Now, that breaking point is different for many people. For me, it usually is when I find it hard to get out bed and do everyday tasks like going to work or eating. Unfortunately, once I reach my breaking point, I have completely lost myself in an illness that I had no idea I was even fighting, and it's pretty terrifying.

I wish I could say that I have slowly become a master at figuring out when I am slowly beginning to disappear into the mess that is mental illness, but I haven't. Even after six years of dealing with this, I have yet to be able to pinpoint when I am actually struggling, because after a while it feels like I am always struggling.

Now, that's a scary thought, huh? Struggling so much and so hard that you begin to forget what actual living feels like. Sometimes, we force ourselves to cope with the thought that while we are fighting the anxiety and depression, we are in a state of safety. And that, the not being aware we are struggling because we are so used to struggling, is what makes it so hard for us to realize we are fighting.

I wish I could sit here and write that there's an easy fix. That there is a way to know when you have to fight harder because your anxiety or depression is worst, but I can't. I can't, because there isn't. This is all I can say, fight. Fight every day. Fight even on the days when it feels like the anxiety has subsided enough to lay down your hands.

Fight because the more you do it, the easier it will become. And, hopefully, you will get to that point where you're fighting so hard that the anxiety or depression won't surprise attack you, because you will already have defeated it.

Living with anxiety or depression is already hard enough without the constant fear of falling into a hole that was somehow being dug without your knowledge. Sometimes, that fear of falling is what forces you into that hole again and again until finally you come to this realization. You have your entire life to fall into that hole over and over and over again. So, when you do, don't take it as a step back. Don't punish yourself because you were "weak" enough to let your mental illness overcome your body. Don't let it win.

You get back up and fight. You fight harder than before and you keep on fighting. You fight the invisible illnesses that are plaguing your body. You fight until fighting becomes easy. You fight, because there will be one day when you won't have to fight anymore.

So, go ahead and fall into the hole that is mental illness. Enjoy the good days, even if they are just to cover up the fact that bad days are coming. Don't be afraid to fail, because one day you will succeed. Lastly, mental illness isn't something that you will ever really have control over. Sometimes you will be fighting something that you don't really know you are, and, sometimes, you will lose the fight. Just, remember this. As long as you don't give up and give in, that hole is just a hole that you are strong enough to climb out of.

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About the Creator

Renee Antonia

Hey There! I am an independent author who loves to write about the real issues that we, as humans, face. I try to use my voice as a reminder to talk about the not-so-pretty parts of being a human being.

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