It Sounds Cliché, but It's Not—You Are Not Alone

It sounds cliché to say that, I know. But as tired as you may be of hearing it, and as silly as it might sound, it's true. You. Are. Not. Alone. You are not alone in your struggles. You are not alone in your battles. You are not alone in your pain, your loneliness, your mental health, or your experiences. And this is coming from someone who has been living with perpetual feelings of loneliness her entire life.

There are always others out there who have, or are currently, experiencing your pain, who have gone through similar experiences, who have the same, or very similar, issues as you, and who just get you. Out of the literally billions of people on this Earth, you are not the only one, and you are definitely not crazy for feeling the way that you feel, or thinking the thoughts that you think.

And how do I know this for sure? How can I possibly convince you of this while you're lost in the heavy black abyss of loneliness, feeling miles away from everyone else, to the point where you can't find anyone around you who even remotely understands you? Because I have been there. I am still there. I still feel these pangs of loneliness quite often. I know the stinging feeling deep in your heart of wanting so badly to talk to someone—anyone—about what you're dealing with, and looking around and not finding a single person that cares or understands. Or, sometimes, not even wanting to talk to someone about such serious things, but just wanting a companion, someone that clicks with you that you can enjoy some of life with. But, because of your issues, you can't find a single soul. I know what it's like to feel crazy, defective, broken; like there's something so fundamentally wrong with you that it doesn't let you be like everybody else, and that no one else has these problems—you are the only one. But, believe me, you are not the only one, and you are not alone.

Maybe you feel like this because you've never been able to connect with the people around you. To that I say—maybe you've just never found your crowd. Maybe you feel alone because the people around you aren't your people. Maybe they're not meant to beyour people. Maybe, the universe is telling you that you need to expand your wings and allow yourself to fly— to go to new places, to try new things, to follow the dreams that you've always had in your heart and mind in order to find the places where you truly belong. Will those places be perfect? No, not at all. But there, despite the possible flaws of the place or the people in it, you will still feel at home, and will be able to thrive as the person that you were always meant to be with people who will appreciate you for YOU.

Or, maybe that's not the case at all. Or maybe only partly. Maybe you feel such loneliness because you have been mistreated in life. Maybe you had an abusive and/or neglectful childhood. Maybe you were mistreated by a partner, or people who were supposed to be your "friends," etc.

In this case, the first thing you need to understand is that them mistreating you wasn't your fault. It had nothing to do with you. They didn't hurt you because you deserved it, or because there was something wrong with you and you're broken; NO, they hurt you because they THEMSELVES are broken and screwed up, and in turn they go around breaking everyone and everything around them. It had nothing to do with you. You didn't deserve it. Any of it.

Secondly, know that you're not crazy or wrong for feeling the ways that you feel. Given what you've probably been through in life, you have every right to feel the way that you feel. It's understandable. It's okay. It's not an excuse to go around being an asshole to everyone, but it is understandable. You don't have to justify your feelings or thoughts to anyone. And since not everyone has gone through what you've gone through, and therefore don't understand where you're coming from, of course you're going to feel lonely at times. It's completely understandable that you feel that way. Your feelings of loneliness due to all of these factors is completely normal. You are reacting normally to abnormal situations that have occurred in your life. Everyone would feel the same way.

And the third thing I will say to you, once again, is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Now, keep in mind that not everyone has gone through your experiences, so you can't possibly expect those people to understand where you're coming from when they don't know what it's like, but it doesn't make your experiences unique or extremely different. For all the people you have encountered that have never gone through what you've been through and who don't get it, there are many more out there who have been through something similar and who do understand. Those are your people. That is your tribe. These people can be found in community support groups, or maybe at the local pub, or a local club or class (like a book club, a yoga class, etc.) or even on online groups. They may not always be easy to find, but they are out there if you are willing to look and not lose hope.

Let me speak from my own experience. I grew up in a pretty volatile home, with abuse and huge fights being the everyday norm. From the outside, things looked great, so no one ever understood what I was talking about when I would express discontent. I was constantly shut down by other people, telling me that I was spoiled and was so blessed to live the life that I was living. They had no idea. One of my parents, as I've discovered in recent years, has an un-diagnosed personality disorder, which caused them (and still causes them) to be very abusive towards me, my other parent, and anyone else who got close enough to them. I was constantly treated like I was worthless, stupid, and a terrible person. Everything that I did was always wrong, no matter what, and nothing that I said was ever heard.

This abuse, along with never being understood and other people throughout my life not treating me too kindly, caused me to develop a severe form of social anxiety that plagued me throughout my late teens and early 20s. This, of course, only exacerbated my feelings of loneliness.

However, throughout much self-reflection and hard work, I have discovered that I'm not really alone in my feelings and experiences. As I've grown a little older (I'm only in my mid-20s, btw) and have listened to other peoples' stories and have paid more attention to the world around me, I have discovered that so many people—much more than you can imagine—have lived through some really screwed up things, still have some dark feelings deep down inside, and are somehow still chugging along, getting through life, and some, even, excelling in their lives. This has been a ray of hope for me, and I hope for you, too.

Now, I'm not talking about people who have gone through regular life struggles. I'm talking about people who have gone through some seriously screwed up stuff; things that you couldn't even imagine just by looking at them. And they're all around our communities, cities, countries, etc. Many people just choose not to talk about, so others don't know. We, unfortunately, do not live in a society that is very open or understanding to mental health issues. But, just because people don't talk about it, doesn't mean that you're the only one.

Some ways that I have found support and like-minded people are through private Facebook groups, YouTube channels, Instagram pages, and other online chat groups. Facebook groups, however, have been the best places for me to find communities of people that have been super supportive, helpful, and even fun. But as I've mentioned before, there are so many ways to find your own tribe, even if it may not always be easy. As I've gotten better with my own personal struggles, I have started also slowly making more connections in the physical community around me. Focusing on my business ideas and passions has also helped me tremendously with my loneliness issues, as well as also helping me find even more like-minded, supportive people. I still struggle, but it continues to get better.

So next time you're feeling crazy and alone in your experiences, remember, that there are so many others out there just like you; so many out there that will understand you and not undermine your experiences; So many that will accept you and love you for YOU.