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It Takes One Important Decision

Love vs. Anxiety, It's One or the Other

By BIGG_JOE Vitality_AdjustmentPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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It has been months since I wanted to start this journey by putting my words to use by hopefully inspiring or helping others with anxiety, and furthermore, giving myself a platform to express my feelings. I want to assist in my own recovery from this on-going whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that runs ever so rapidly through my head without any control from myself. It has been a while because I have fallen in love.

Those with anxiety are now putting themselves in my shoes and feeling what I am currently feeling right now. Love & Anxiety? That goes together like oil and water, IT DOESN'T! There from the start, it was a constant fight within myself, criticizing, critiquing, and worse of all doubting myself. It certainly does not project a good image to someone that you are interested in. She has seen the lack of confidence within myself. However, there was an interest that she still had in me. I was too dumb to see it. To better explain it, my anxiety got inside my head and started controlling me like a puppet. That is when she did the bravest thing and told me something that I needed to hear for an awfully long time.

She told me she was scared. When I saw those words it was like my heart had fallen and shattered on the ground. The first woman in years that I have had genuine pure feelings for had just told me she was scared of the anxiety going through my head. I asked her if I were foolish thinking of the things I was expressing to her. That is when I was confronted by her and given one choice. She spoke of how I was always doubting myself and doubting my abilities. She informed me about how I was always downing myself and not giving myself credit and constantly critiquing the things I do. She definitely threw it all in my face hard and fast. She was upset, and if I had to guess, she most likely had tears welled up in her eyes. I felt like I had just broken her heart.

I said I had one choice. The choice was to continue having this anxiety control every aspect of my life. To let it stop relationships before they have had a chance to start. To have it knock me further and further down a self-dug hole that was built for no escape. A pathway of loneliness was my future with anxiety. However, I said I had a choice, with that being my first option. My second option, to not let it beat me. It finally got me backed into a corner far enough to where I started fighting back. The simple fact alone I scared someone I cared deeply for was the starting point for me to go against this anxiety once and for all! I refused to lose a friend and a potential long term partner because the thoughts in my head wouldn't allow it. Enough was enough!

As quick as the onslaught of anxiety can happen, it can suddenly take a different direction when something you care so deeply about is threatened. Is there some still lingering around? Yes. Is it trying to continue to bury me every chance it gets? Yes. However, now it is less annoying. I'm starting to gain my confidence again, beginning to feel better about myself, getting back into doing activities that I had pushed aside due to anxiety. The best part of it all, she has noticed a change. Actually, I had another choice or option let's say. I had chosen her! I'd much rather have her around.

I'm not gone for good, I want to continue to do the things that make me feel better about myself. If you love yourself enough you must do good things for you as well. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings and I will continue to be true to you as well as be true to myself. Feel free to follow me and send any comments or questions about any of the blogs I have written. I will see you again as we all continue our journey.

anxiety
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About the Creator

BIGG_JOE Vitality_Adjustment

Dealing with anxiety is an understatement. I have had symptoms of generalized anxiety for nearly my entire life. I'm hoping to create a series of blogs to possibly guide those on living a happier life that suffers from anxiety daily.

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