Jordan Pritchard In...

As we all seem to do nowadays, I found myself deep in a Youtube rabbit hole. Watching videos from my youth and engaging in a dose of pure, uncut nostalgia. It was during one of these sessions that I happened upon a video in which Noel Gallagher, one of my all time favourite musicians and one of the reasons I learned to play the guitar apart from the appeal of chicks and trying to look cool, was being interviewed. When asked about his brother Liam, Noel quoted "He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup." It was a phrase I'd never heard before, and it resonated with me. It was almost a "red pill" moment in my life.

I have never really felt like I belonged anywhere. As a child, I would move from town to town quite regularly. Being the son of a professional musician, that was par for the course. We even had the pleasure of living in another country for seven years of my youth. That country was Norway, but even there, we would move from town to town quite regularly. Because of this, I would never really put much effort into forming bonds with people. Why bother? I'll be gone one day, so there's no need to put any effort in. This did, of course, create an issue of distance from people, which in turn meant that a lot of the other kids at school didn't like me. Oddly enough, even though I would actively push people away, all I craved was the friendships and bonds I saw daily on Saved by the Bell and California Dreams. It was a vicious cycle that unfortunately carried onto the Jordan of today.

Now don't get me wrong, my childhood was amazing. I got to see a lot of the world, experience different cultures, and if you asked any of my family, they wouldn't have known that I would actively avoid the invites to go round people's houses to hang out, or join people at the school disco. While they were out at rehearsals or at a concert, I would turn down offers to hang out with people and make my Saved by the Bell bonds to stay at home and lose myself in music, video games, stand up comedy, and pro wrestling.

What dawned on me on the day I saw that interview clip with Noel Gallagher, was that I didn't belong. That I was an outsider. I saw things in ways that were always contrary to many of those around me. Nationalism, politics, comedy, friendships, love, life, goals... I always seemed to have no interest in "the path." Something that teachers, employers, and others wouldn't understand, but something my parents were always supportive of. I'm 36, don't own my own house, I'm not married, I don't have kids, and I still lose myself in music, video games, stand up comedy, and pro wrestling. However, I'm deeply in love and manage a branch of a business my brother set up, so I'm getting there in my own way.

I also recognised that I have quite severe depression, something I never really realised I had. Anxiety and panic attacks were mostly ignored and once again, I kept to myself. I never really found the ability to tell people when they were happening because the one time I tried, I was told I need to get over myself, so I just shut off. But when I look at the behaviours in my past, it would make sense that this is something I've carried with me most of my life.

The reasons for me writing this is I've always kept my true thoughts to myself; and through CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), the support of a couple of like-minded people, and my frustration with how things are are nowadays, I've decided to open up for once and share my thoughts and feelings on the things I see around me: The tribalism in our society, how we consume opinions on things by sharing unconfirmed text written on a picture of something that probably has 0 relation to what the text is, how we have biased news organisations, and how this further perpetuates the cults of left, right, up, down or backwards. How now at 36, with all the technology, resources, and developments in society, I can't grasp how we all got here. So every week or so, I will write another passage to my page to try and vent these frustrations, improve my mental health, and hopefully find an outlook on life where I'm not looking at this bowl of soup, fork in hand and frustrated because I know a spoon would make this easier and better, but the only utensil available is a fork...

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Jordan