Journal (May 18 - June 7, 2017)

May 18, 2017

Hello everyone,

So the main topic I think I want to talk about today is the past.

There are many things that happen in someone past. It can be good or bad. People in the 20th century judge others now by how they look, most of the time. There are some who don't, but they are the special ones. Me, I never judge someone by their look. I get to know them.

When people look at me all they see is a 19-year-old woman who is fat and doesn't dress or use makeup properly. I dress how I have always learned which is to not show too much skin. I don't use contouring, highlighter, or even do my eyebrows. My makeup is simple concealer, lipstick, eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. That is only if I feel like doing makeup.

The point being is it is not right to judge someone if you know nothing of their past.

Sometimes the past haunts you. Today my first ex-boyfriend from high school sent me a friend request on Facebook. I didn't accept, the reason being is I can't handle his drama. After we broke up, I felt free. I bleached my hair, I changed a little bit, but I felt better.

If something from your past comes and haunts you, think about this. Will it help you, anyway? Will it cause you stress? Will it cause fights? What good would it do?

If it's all bad, then don't let the past enter back into your life.

Move forward. Keep being the strong person you are, no matter how hard life gets. Have hope that one day you will be happy.

I believe in everyone. You can do it.

Have a wonderful day/night everyone.

May 19, 2017

Hey, everyone. Today the topic I am choosing is sadness and depression.

Today for me is kind of a hard day. My sister and father have made me mad. Then I start thinking, what if I kill myself? Would they even care? Would they notice? Would anyone notice? My mind, the part I hide, is the sadness and depression. I keep it away from people who I care about. Not a lot of people know what truly goes through my mind.

I always think that maybe I should die. I mean look at how my own "Family" treats me. I get verbally abused almost every day. Other times I think that maybe I should move, get away from them.

I want to cry every day.

I just want to have someone who loves me. Who would cuddle with me. Who would treat me right.

I can't ever get happiness in my life. I found someone who I like, who I am falling for, but he says it shouldn't happen. So I block a lot of me off. I just need someone who wants to be with me for my personality, who helps me and I them.

But whatever. Life is unfair.

Have a nice day/night everyone.

June 7, 2017

So I started class on June 5 instead of when I was supposed to two weeks earlier. The reason is because I need a little time off. I am actually so far liking the new class.

Right now, however, I am watching Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids on Youtube. I don't know what episode this is but the maid of honor thinks she is more important than the Bride. Like, come on, you're even lucky to be a bridesmaid. If I was the bride then I would tell her she isn't my maid of honor anymore or even a bridesmaid.

Anyway, my three kittens are hyper as hell. It is usually hilarious. I got them a toy and they love it. They have grown a little bit.

Anyway, have a nice day/night