Karma’s Not as Bad as You Think

Every second of every day, I fear the words that will come from your mouth. I fear whether they shall hurt only for a short while, or sting forever. I wake up smiling, only to realize I don’t have much to smile about. My life is an endless cycle of misery. Wake up, eat, fear, work, go to sleep. I do this day after day, yet I can’t seem to break it. I try so hard to change the path my life has taken, yet my feet stay planted. I’m a simple girl, and I grew up with a simple life. I don’t ask for much and I don’t expect much. I don’t trust easily, and I fall in love quickly. I have scars from many times in my life, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I have cuts from a razor blade. I have scars from bumps and scrapes. I have scars mentally, enough to put me into a depression, over and over. I have scars emotionally. I don’t smile, I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, and I’m not at peace with my life or myself.

That was my life two years ago. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t have friends. I didn’t ever want to leave the comfort of my bed for fear of being hurt. I felt I didn’t deserve happiness and the joy it would bring to my life. I felt lonely and worthless. I felt like I was nothing, until I became something.

My life now is something I never would have imagined then. I’ve graduated high school. I’m set to begin college in the spring. I have a steady, part-time job. I smile to the point where my cheeks hurt. My scars have faded. My bed's not as confining as it once was. My body is healthy. My mind is becoming stronger than ever. I took a step on a path that I didn’t know. I took a risk and it made me see how much I deserved happiness. I put my foot forward and I thrived to be a better person, and I believe I succeeded in my task. I have a wonderful support system and people who care for and love me unconditionally. I wake up smiling and I don’t lose that smile. I am grateful for all the things I have in life, including myself. The ability to be here and see the difference between two years ago and now is astonishing because I never believed it to be possible.

I hope by me writing my story, every person reading who has been through a rough time can have the ability to write it down and to have the courage to tell others what you’ve been through. Life may not be easy, but it is what you make it to be.