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Let's Talk About Depression

Or is that still taboo?

By Bethany WilliamsPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Ever looked in the mirror at 3AM?

While depression is heavily publicised in modern media, why is it that we must still use the hashtag: #itsokaytotalk? The answer? Depression is still a taboo.

Remember when 13 Reasons Why came out on Netflix and it was shocking because a girl killed herself? That's why it's still taboo. Because it's still shocking to the world. No, this is not another article bashing on another TV show and the poor representation of depression and suicide. This article is about why, although all forms of media have come a long way in conveying that #itsokaytotalk, there is still a long long way to go before depression will no longer be taboo.

Now don't get me wrong, I have seen some incredible portrayals of depression but I have also seen some poor depictions of it too so let's talk about depression and what it really looks like, yeah?

Depression is looking around at your absolutely filthy surroundings and knowing you should clean but not doing anything about it. Depression is not wearing makeup for days and days because you'd rather get that little bit longer in bed until you are inevitably late for work... again. Depression is taking on the world's problems just so you don't have to deal with your own. Depression is that silent cry in to your pillow when you're scared that someone might actually hear just how weak you really are. Depression is not washing for five days straight. Depression is ordering another takeaway because you can't think to spend time cooking food even though you know you could probably cook faster than it would take for the food to arrive. Depression is looking in the mirror and hating every inch of your skin and wanting to claw it apart and start again. Depression is laying in bed so you don't have to face the world. But to an outsider, depression looks like anybody and everybody.

Remember how much of a shock it was when Robin Williams died? The man who made us laugh. The man who made us smile. The man who committed suicide because he had his own demons. That's depression because people who suffer with it for so long are chameleons. They know what to do and what to say to make it seem like they are okay. They have a mask that they wear every day. Some days it's a little more battered and bruised but they know how to hide the cracks and the cuts.

This is the type of depression I think the media misses sometimes. They portray the depressed character as one dimensional. They are sad. They harm themselves. They shut everyone out. They get angry. They commit suicide because they are sad. Sometimes they completely miss the side that can fake a smile and pretend that everything is fine. Sometimes they overlook the person who takes on everyone else's problems only to take on too much.

I call that the sponge complex. The person who will always say "And if you ever need anything, I'm always here. Day or night. Just call me, yeah?" And when that person does call? They drop everything to be by their side. This doesn't just apply to this one friend though. This applies to everyone. Acquaintances. Friends. Family. And one by one, because they have to be strong for everyone else, they become forgotten about because they are seen as a symbol of strength... how could they possibly be weak?

And that's just one type of depression. Every depression is different. Some become selfish. Some become selfless. Some become introverted. Some become extroverted. Some harm. Some don't. No depression is the same and that is why not all media portrayals are wrong but simply, one dimensional.

Now back to talking. "You have a loving family, a nice job, a comfy home, a kind partner, a great group of friends, and enough money. What do you have to be depressed about?" How many times has someone with depression heard that? 'What do you have to be depressed about?' It's phrases like this that make you not want to open up because sometimes, your head doesn't even know why you're sad. The words are jumbled and nothing makes sense so when someone asks you why, what answer can you give? "I don't know." "But if you don't know, you can't be depressed." It's like a magical cure!

Sometimes it's a case of feeling that the person with depression is bothering others with their problems despite, in terms of the sponge complex, them being there for everyone else. They can't talk because their friends are happy so why bring them down? Or when you try to talk to them, they are too busy right now but they will talk to you later. Sometimes that's the phone call between life or death.

Everyone goes through depression at some point in their lives and for many different reasons. Some go in to depression due to grievance. Some go in to depression due to stress. Some go in to depression due to trauma. There are so many reasons and in no way can any be judged like any other. When someone with depression comes to you to talk, they're not asking you to understand everything they're going through. You do not have to make sense of everything going on in their head. You do not need to tell them that self harm is wrong because they most likely already know what they are doing is wrong. You just need to listen. You just need to be a friend.

If you ever do feel like you need to speak to someone, please do. Life is worth living even at it's worst. Below I will leave the numbers for the UK's national helplines and remember: #itsokaytotalk

Samaritans (everyone): 116 123 - 24 hr service

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) (men): 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day

Papyrus (under 35's): 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm

Childline (under 19's): 0800 1111 - the number will not show up on phone bills

The Silver Lines (older people) : 0800 4 70 80 90

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