Let's Talk Fat Part Two

"One of the biggest things I hate about mental illness—the days you wake up and you feel like just not existing. Then people feel like they have to put their two cents in.

It doesn't make me feel better to get advice that I've heard for 30 fucking years.

Getting out doesn't make me feel better.

The sun doesn't make me feel better.

Taking a shower doesn't make me feel better.

BEING REMINDED HOW CRAZY I AM DOES NOT HELP!

I have fucking mental illness and I have bad fucking days!

Getting in my face DOES NOT FUCKING HELP!

Feeling sorry for me does not help.

Just let me go through my slump so I can move forward." This was a recent post of mine on Facebook.

I can't move forward being constantly reminded of my fatness.

No one can move forward when there is no positive reinforcement.

That doesn't mean coddling someone—just choose to be empathetic and understanding of what they are going through.

Realize that the bullying that they have been through has left a scar on their psyche.

Most in 2018 don't understand when random people continually tell you how disgusting you are—that's all someone can believe when they look at themselves. That's why people can't understand body dysphoria. That it is an illness and that it is real.

Even when munching on a soy, vegan ice cream sandwich—people assume.

People assume that it is junk and you are on your 20th.

This is why people develop eating disorders and addiction when constantly ridiculed for their weight.

I personally have a love and passion for good food.

I very rarely eat fast food or rich foods or even sweets—no one seems to want or notice that.

They don't notice my carefully made decoben (character bento lunch).

They don't notice all the fresh fruits and vegetables I delicately put together for dinner.

All they noticed is the one soy, vegan ice cream sandwich they caught me eating.

In 2018, people suffer in silence as they binge, purge, starve, smoke, shoot or cut the fat away.

We aren't told our self-worth is more than a number on a scale.

You are important.

You are loved.

They leave that part out.

The best advice I can give:

"You are the only person on the face of the planet who is going to be with you every day from the moment you are born until the moment you die. If you can't love yourself, at least learn to like yourself." - Me

So when looking in the mirror and all you see is fat—no face, no hair, just a blob—remember it is your choice to work through the pain.

It won't be easy.

It won't happen overnight.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel—and it's inside you.

You will learn that the journey to liking—then hopefully loving—yourself starts within.

One day you will walk past a mirror—stop, look at the person staring back and you will think, "I'm happy. I'm actually happy."

All the hard work that you had secretly putting into yourself will finally show on the outside.

It doesn't have to start with doctors, it doesn't have to start with any external forces—it does have to start with you.

After all the "jokes" fade over time.

After the pain slowly disappears.

After you turn to your left, then turn to your right and realize that you have caring people standing next to you.

You will have your moment of clarity.

You will have your moment of, "I am worthy."

Then that is when that light that shines inside of you will pull others in and help you out of the darkness.