Life After All

I've never done a drug in my life. I never even took a sip of alcohol until I was eighteen. I didn't go to parties in high school. I didn't have parties in high school. I went to pop concerts. I read fan fiction about boy bands. I fell in love with almost every famous person that was popular when I was a teenager. I was quiet and would rather have sleepovers with my bestie than go out. I didn't even have a real boy friend until I was twenty one. I just wasn't involved with anything extreme.

My first real boyfriend turned out to be the opposite of what I wanted. It took a really bad, life threatening car accident, moving in with him two times, and losing a few friends to figure that out. Apparently he was over me but he didn't have the guts to say goodbye. Luckily I found them and left just after three years together. It's all good. I never viewed it as a waste of my time. We both learned a lot from our relationship. After all of the bullshit, I grew into exactly who I wanted to be once we were over.

So I moved home and needed a job. (Sept.) After about a month at my new job, I met the man who is now my amazing husband.

It all started as a joke. I was out of this long term, live in thing, so my plan was to just have fun. I met him through work people and he was your typical mall rat. He worked in the food court, always seemed high on something and was covered in tattoos. Naturally he was a dream. Seriously he was, I dont know why but I couldn't look away. I ate at his place of work every day. It was ridiculous.

I dont know what that says about me. I was a good, straight edge, no drugs, no tattoos, girl. The craziest thing I'd done at that point was color my hair more than one color.

(Before you go predicting what's next, I've still never done a drug in my life. It's almost ten years later and I'm still strictly legal alcohol only, if at all.)

Well at this point, it's late October, and I had learned a lot about my future husband. One of the big things was he had been to prison. Now it was nothing murderous, he was just a dumb kid dealing with things he didn't understand yet but technically he was a nineteen year old adult. Sooooo.... anyway he was actually really honest about it. I also learned he has done every drug imaginable and at that current moment had a severe pain pill addiction. Most people would have literally RUN at this information. Instead it sucked me in more. Seriously what? People are literally saying, not a good idea and I'm replying with I want to have kids with him. I didn't even like kids.

I guess my help him button was pushed and I was ready. For some reason I just saw him. I saw what not one other person in our lives could see. I saw the kind, funny, emotional, amazing human being that he was, that he is always. It was really hard. I tried it for a few weeks and I loved him immediately. But he ended up lying to me about trying to quit and I said I'm done. I don't do drugs.

I never experienced anything like this but I couldn't let go all the way. Something in me knew this man was my future. It's insane but I knew. So I started seeing him again. It was different this time. He was let go from his job, I left mine and we sat through 96 hours of detoxing, more than once. Yeah that whole twenty four hours thing, that's a lie. It's not magic, it was work. It's still work. Its legit one day at a time. So I decided to take over everything in his life so he could HAVE his life. I gave up working for a few weeks... months, so I could be there to help make him the man I knew he was. Listen, drugs are not an option. I don't go that way. I never will. But he was my only one. However, I still had a lot to learn.

We definitely had bumps along the way. It was year two, two and a half, maybe three, of us being together. He was clean from all drugs but still held onto drinking. I tried to regulate it. I'd say it's ok here and there. I didn't know any better. You're probably reading this saying, wait, why didn't you see that was not a good idea? Love is blind. I was proud of him for kicking this drug thing and well, thats all I got.

Well, our huge wake up call was at a family event. My family, of course. They seemed to come around right away but who knows what anyone else is thinking. He did a lot of insane stuff that night. It's so easy to judge and assume but unless you've been there you have no idea. You really have to hit rock bottom to start climbing to the top. Well that was his bottom. He's now clean and sober over six years. He doesn't even smoke cigarettes anymore. I am the most proud of him I could ever be. You have to want to get out of that life. Someone can't make you change. But you do need support. I will always be that support for him.

I know the outside doesn't see him how I see him. They also don't know a lot of the things I know about him. I don't blame them for not knowing. I do however, blame them for not asking. I blame people for assuming once a user, always a user. An addict is always an addict but there is life after sobriety. There is growth, there is change, there is understanding and hopefully acceptance.

I was completely different than him. But I stopped, I listened, I understood his side. I took the time to love who he really was, not turn him away because of that small part of him. Giving in, giving him another chance, it was the best thing I ever did. We were absolutely meant for each other. I know if I went back ten years and saw him, knowing all that I know now, I'd still do it all again. Most people would focus on the negative and say, I'm not putting myself through that again. But I know what the outcome is and I would always choose him, every single time. Why wouldn't I sacrifice a few years of my life to have exactly the life I wanted for the rest of my forty plus years? Every single struggle, it was all worth it. Addiction is not the end.