Living in Honor of S.H.A.Y.E

The Need for a Purposeful Life

There is nothing more horrifying than the thought of losing your child; other than the realization you have lost your child.

This month, last year, the bane of my existence occurred when my eldest daughter left this earth, at the age of 21, due to an accidental Fentanyl overdose.

When I discovered she was using cocaine since her freshman year of college, I was in a grave denial. My first thoughts: I just knew I raised her "right." I assured myself I had "taught her better!" As a young single mother, I promised myself that she would live a life better than my own and did my best to provide a means to an end.

However, as Shaye was coming of age, the struggle became more real after the birth of my second daughter. Hence, I also knew how the backlash of our family's financial struggles fell burden on her heart. I was aware of how the pressures and ill-factors of life had her very depressed about her future's possibilities.

I identify with the mentality of addiction, as I have battled over a lifetime with recovering from my own addictive persona. I had lived to numb myself from mental pain too, just with other measures. In this instance, I had to accept that Shaye had picked her own poison for the same tendencies. She was my child. Often, I feel immense amounts of guilt along with the grief.

With the ending of my daughter's life, I knew the only way I could continue life without her would be to live for her, despite how I feel. At this point, I'm determined to live life on purpose!

The Processing of Purpose After Loss

A further reflection of me in her, Shaye was always very articulate and creatively expressive. She studied one form or another of Performance Arts most of her childhood. At the time she ascended, she was a student at Savannah College of Art and Design, hence it was only natural she needed the practice of art to survive psychologically in this world. She was most happy when she performed. She always fit in with the theatre kids, since joining the Junior Thesbian Club in Middle School.

The reality of how my daughter died in itself was more than an unbearable fathom, especially when I was unaware of her drug use until days before her death. Naturally, I wanted to "fix things", but, how? I never expected to have to guide her out of this extreme darkness, she seemed to have been trapped in mentally months before she died.

Recalling that dreadful morning, after receiving the call to go to the hospital where my daughter was pronounced dead, I thought heavily on the last conversations of intervention I had with my daughter; once I discovered her drug use. In those moments, she had mentioned that she wanted to bring awareness to how mental health plays a vital role in an individual feeling the need to self-medicate and numb their pain and/or to mute intrusive thoughts.

In the midst of our final, mother-daughter heart-to-hearts, I asked her, "what could help her heal her pain and worries in healthy ways? Would traditional therapy help, when the outcome encouraged is usually to prescribe more drugs?" Remembering her words in verbatim, "No. Mommie I think only art can heal me. I think I want to study art-therapy, but, my school only categorizes art-therapy under the same curriculum as sculpting, not my major [performance arts]. But, when I practice MY craft I heal! I want to start that type of non-profit! It will help heal me, to teach others to use art to heal their pain, especially in the African-American community where it is most stigmatized." My response "understood." Three days later she overdosed on cocaine, which had been laced with Fentanyl without her knowledge!

A Pledge to Living Purposeful

In this day, with adolescent opioid addiction on the rise and with overdose statistics inflating, we will cross or have crossed paths with at least one individual who was suffering from addiction or with mental-health challenges before the event of a suicide of an overdose. We don't need statistics to verify what we are experiencing as a society.

I can't bring my daughter back, but I live to never let her name die. I am starting that art-therapy non-profit, Shaye Lives Foundation in her honor. I will exalt her story in the cause to end the stigmas of suicide, opioid addiction, and overdose.

S.H.A.Y.E (Someone-Heavenly Ascended-Yet-Eternally Lives) also lives within you after losing a loved one to suicide or overdose.

It's expected that there's a shit-storm of emotions resulting from the experience of a great loss. Yet, beyond the awareness of pain, there is a purpose.

For my purposeful living pledge; I vow to be an advocate for providing creative means of therapy for our youth battling addiction and depression. I will organize donation drives and giveaways of Fentanyl testers to young users not to condone drug use but to save lives that are too reckless to save their own. I will live life on purpose because S.H.A.Y.E Lives in ME. Make a pledge to live a purpose-filled life with us at www.shayelivesin.me