Living in the Darkness

Let's see, where do I begin? Life. It's not a cakewalk for most people. But for me it's a bit extreme. Most of my life, I've been living in the darkness. This is my story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Jordyn. From the age of 0-9. everything was a cakewalk. She had friends, she was popular, and she got whatever she wanted. She was privileged, to say the least. But then everything went to hell.

The Beginning of the Dark Ages

One day when Jordyn was enjoying her life happily, she got the worst news. My mother sat me down and said, "Honey, I have something bad to tell you."

"How bad?" I responded.

"It's really really bad, hun," she said, sounding afraid. I took a deep breath in. "Jordyn, Daddy was hurt last night," she spoke nervously.

"Oh, then we should go visit him in the hospital."

"No, Jordyn, Daddy isn't okay... Daddy... is dead."

I immediately burst into tears, saying, "I want my daddy, I want my daddy." My mom just cradled me and cried too. I was inconsolable. I was a 9-year-old child who lost her dad unexpectedly. He was hit by a car on the side of the road in the middle of the night.

Darkness gets worse.

So after that, of course, we have a funeral and an investigation into basically his murder. Well, the guy that hit him is a retired cop. So, they tainted the investigation and we will never really know what happened. From there on, I became increasingly more depressed as time went on.

Fast forward to 12. I was suicidal, not only because of my dad but because I was starting to get bullied, having everyone turn on me, calling me ugly and a pimple-faced monster. I had no friends and I got suspended because the vice principal hated me and the first time I did something wrong he threw the book at me. I wrote in a burn book that my so-called friend turned into the office. She was the one who pressured me into doing it. My mom couldn't even look at me. We decided it was best for me to go to private school. I went from 7-8th grade and graduated from there into high school. It wasn't fun. I didn't fit in there, either. I had no friends and everyone looked at me like an outcast. I was so happy to get out of there. But it gets worse.

Darker

I decided to go back to public school for high school. Big mistake. I had friends who decided to turn on me and spread rumors, saying I was pregnant and a slut and that I was sleeping with all these guys when I was a virgin. I had guys call me ugly and tell me to go kill myself every day. I even had a boyfriend of my ex-best friend slam me up against a locker and threaten me. I had girls wanting to fight me for apparently spreading rumors about them.

The school didn't care. I reported everything and still they did nothing so I dropped out for my own sanity, but the damage was already done. I tried to commit suicide and ended up in a mental hospital. At only 15-years-old, I was in hell. My mom and I were always fighting because she constantly brings me down, calling me names just like in school. So it made me crazier and I tried to commit suicide again.

At 18, I was once again admitted to a mental hospital because of my anxiety. I developed it after me and my mom got in a fight and she had me arrested and thrown in jail. I was so scared and so alone I thought everyone hated me. After I got out, I couldn't get ready to go anywhere because anytime I tried, all these terrible thoughts would crowd my brain making me think that I was ugly and fat and didn't deserve to live because I was so ugly. I even scratched myself and left bloody cuts. It was terrible, so I was once again admitted to a mental hospital, but it doesn't end there.

Darkest

After I got out of the hospital, I had a serious boyfriend — my very first one. We moved in together with his cousin who didn't like me. She would always start crap with me, which eventually drove me and him apart. He chose her over me. He kicked me out and I was forced to live with my mom again.

About a week after we broke up, I was so distraught that I invited a friend over. He brought his friend over and then decided they were going to rape me and then steal my laptop. I reported it to the police, but they didn't do anything because in their eyes, I didn't act like a rape victim. After that, my mom pushed me way too far with her words and I ended up becoming violent. Then she had me arrested for the second time and got a restraining order against me. I was homeless but then my grandma took me in before I could jump off the bridge. Literally. So this is where things start to get better.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I now live with my grandparents. I still suffer from depression and anxiety, but they are muted most days. I still keep in contact with my mom. The only thing that has me down is that I was in a nine month relationship. After he dumped me, he told me I meant nothing to him and neither did our relationship. I have a job which is hard sometimes, but I have made great friends. I am also currently taking GED classes. For the longest time, I didn't think I had a future. Well, now I have plans to go to college and become a teacher. I do have a future and so do you. The moral of me sharing all this with everyone is to show that things get better in the long run. I promise. I've been through a lot and so have many people, but I'm blessed with this gift we call life and so are you.