Living with Anxiety

Hi, my name is Jaime-Leigh & I have been suffering with anxiety for four years now.

First Experience of a Panic Attack

Now when I first experienced a panic attack, I was under the influence of drugs and alcohol mixed... safe to say I ‘popped.’ I had this feeling of pure panic all of a sudden, my hands went red hot, heart pounding like it was coming out of my chest, a tingly sensation in the back of my neck and arms... I genuinely thought I was going to die. I looked at my girlfriend and told her I loved her thinking this was it so I best tell her quick. I explained to her what was happening as well as my friends who were sitting there laughing about it at the time.

I got up and started to pace around trying to feel okay, I then had the urgency to throw up, thinking if I throw up it’ll get the drugs and alcohol out of my system.

After going to the toilet with my partner who was trying to help me through this, my friends decided to leave and no longer found it funny as I was going out of my mind with this. I tried to sleep it off but I just kept waking up wondering if this urge of panic had gone away.

The next day I just tried to shrug what happened off but that day changed my life forever, not long after that me and my partner moved into her brothers house for a few months, panic attacks kept happening every night disturbing my sleep, I decided to go to the doctors and that’s when I found out what it was.

The doctors prescribed me with beta-blockers, I hardly took them because I panicked thinking my heart would stop, good job I didn’t take them anyway after reading you shouldn’t take then when you have raenards.

Back to the doctors I went, they then prescribed me with anti-depressants, I thought okay I’ll just try them and see how I get on. This was a BIG nope for me, I was up for three to four hours panicking none stop, my partner awake with me too trying to calm me down. I ended up hanging the washing out at 3am but couldn’t even concentrate on this through panicking too much.

I remember waking my girlfriend up most nights saying ‘baby it’s happening again’ she’s just wake up and try get me to breathe normally and cuddle me.

Therapy

After the anti-depressants and beta-blockers didn’t work, I decided to try CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), for me this worked wonders. I went to therapy every Thursday for around 6-8 weeks, each session I filled out a form to say how anxious or depressed I was feeling that week. Each week it was going down, I was so proud of myself for overcoming something like this without relying on medication. Therapy helped with breathing techniques, it helped me understand why certain things were happening to my body as I panicked, I never knew it was all because my brain thought I was in danger and my heart was pumping around to get more blood everywhere so I could run away from it all!

Different things work for different people, medication just wasn’t working for me and only made me worse, I wasn’t mentally able to cope with feeling like that until the pills kicked in.

After therapy I walked out so happy with myself, I was so happy to tell my family I had my last session and I’m going to be okay, I had a new job coming, new car too, life was good I had nothing to panic about!

Not long after starting my new job & getting my new car did I move back into my mums, not long before my 21st birthday. I moved back into my mums on the condition I could get a puppy to help with my anxiety. I know a dog is for life, this amazing little dog saved mine and I wouldn’t change a thing about my choice to move back.

Now

It’s been three years since I’ve had a panic attack & since I’ve been to therapy. I now have my own place, another new car & I am engaged to my partner of six years.

Life is good, theres nothing I have to worry about or complain about, however since last month I have had a panic attack every night, I can’t tell you why because if I knew why myself I’d sort it out. I’ve applied to go back to therapy at the start of September and have heard nothing since my phone call appointment. If this doesn’t work I’m going to consider medication again as my anxiety and depression does put strain on my relationship, it doesn’t help that I’m an introvert and my partner is the complete opposite. There’s only so much conversation I can do until I need to sit alone.

Fingers crossed it helps because I’ll have to try medication to keep me okay.

I am writing this to clear my mind and tell my story on my struggles.