Loving Somebody Who Doesn’t Love Themselves

It can be tricky being in a relationship or caring about someone who sees no worth in themselves. The most important thing is balancing your own self-love and trying to teach them that they are enough. Everybody is different and reacts differently to certain situations, you will know your partner and how to deal with most situations.

Just listening will be enough for some people to feel better, but in order to listen you need to gain their trust in them being able to confide in you and tell you things. If they feel like they’re a burden to you and you don’t really care what they have to say, they are more likely to bottle up. Showing that you are interested when listening is vital; even if it’s the same thing over and over.

Giving advice is a tough one as we all have unique approaches to things.

{For example: your friend comes to you with a problem and is looking for some advice. She thinks that her boyfriend is secretly cheating on her.

Advice people normally give:

• “You’re just being paranoid.”
• “Confront him about it.”
• “Leave him, don’t wait for his explanations/excuses”}

Each of those pieces of advice could have different outcomes for your friend, but the truth is your friend will already know what she’s going to do about it, she’s just seeking some advice and hoping you feel the same way she does about it. So don’t always jump into being an agony aunt, listen and listen again; even question what her issue is until you see the bigger picture because if she is influenced by your advice when she’s in a vulnerable position and it doesn’t go as she had hoped - she probably won’t come to you again.

When you are listening and your partner is telling you about things on their mind it’s okay to agree and disagree with what they are saying. You need to establish the difference between belittling your partner and challenging their perceptions. This is the easiest part of changing people's mindset or outlook on their life. For instance, your partner could be telling you that they are fed up with feeling like a failure in life. You can remind them of everything that they have done that has been successful and worthwhile in their life, as they may not be able to see past the negatives... slowly your partner will realise that they’ve succeeded before and they have plenty of time to succeed again.

Keep your friend/partners mental well-being to yourself. It takes courage for some people to tell others what’s on their mind and a lot of trust, which can be easily broken if you tell other people about it. The only time you should break this confidence is if you feel that their life or health is at risk and they need professional help.

Trying to keep your partner occupied will not only strengthen your relationship, but will keep your other half’s mind busy and away from the negative thoughts they may be experiencing. Do something different on days off or on the weekends: go somewhere new, walk the dog on the beach, visit a garden centre or an animal shelter, book a holiday or make plans to see friends or you could focus on redecorating the house (e.g. one room may look dull so freshen it up with brighter paint or a new light). Changing things up and taking a break from the usual boring routine will stimulate the mind.

Being patient with your partner is important and sometimes it may feel as though your efforts have been wasted when your partner doesn’t seem to be improving. In the process don’t neglect yourself, and if your partner starts to stop showing love and care towards you because they are circled by their own problems please voice this with them. If you don’t you will stop caring for yourself and end up giving your all to your partner and have no personal gain from either yourself or your partner.

Don’t give up on somebody who has given up on themselves, raise them up and I promise they will be eternally thankful for it!