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Mental Health Issues

We all know mental health is a killer.

Mental health, where to begin? Many people assume mental health issues are so easy to deal with. In reality? They're not. 

For me personally, it took me a long time to accept that I had a problem and that there was something not right with the way I was thinking, seeing the world, and behaving. 

By the age of 14, I was getting drunk every day. I would come home from high school, get changed out of my uniform, and go out to the village park and get undeniably drunk. Kind of a cliche huh? Typical teenage choice to make. Who bought the alcohol? We had older friends who would either share theirs or we'd give them money to go to the shop and buy us whatever we could afford.

Although all of that was fun while it lasted for a few years, there are things that happened to me because I was a drunk teenage girl that I will never forget and will play in my mind on a daily basis because of my foolishness as a teenager. Looking back now I wish I had pulled my head out of my backside sooner and wised up to it all. Maybe then I wouldn't have my depression and anxiety as I do today? I can't and nobody else can answer that, unfortunately. 

Obviously, there will be different triggers for different mental health issues and each person will deal with their health issues in different ways. But it should never be ignored no matter how much you think "it will pass." Yes, granted it may well be a phase, but make sure. Go get checked but don't get pushed to the side. Your mental health and you are worth more than that! 

I, personally, know exactly what it's like to be pushed aside by doctors. I saw several, filled out questionnaires upon more questionnaires. I had to tell them all about how I'd get myself so down I'd cut myself to make myself feel something instead of feeling numb. The times I'd tried to kill myself because I felt that worthless and because people made me feel that worthless. 

It wasn't until I was pregnant at the age of nineteen that a doctor took any notice of me. I sat in the chair in his room, a fat crying mess, thinking no one in the world cared for me, no one loved me, feeling hopeless, yet again. He listened; his eyes welled up when I spoke to him about my issues. He didn't send me packing because there was a hormonal pregnant lady in his room. He was actually concerned and offered me tablets or counselling. As I was pregnant at the time I didn't take the tablets and I personally wouldn't be able to talk to a complete stranger with how my anxiety was and is. I told him I'd think about the tablets for after I'd had my daughter and I would go back.

It had taken me eight, nearly nine years to finally find a doctor that would offer me something at least and actually listen to me. If my plans had actually gone to plan and gone ahead fine from years before I would have been dead instead of sitting here today writing this with my ten-month-old beautiful daughter in my arms. I will 21 this year and to be honest, I still feel the majority of the same things I felt back then. Just not as strongly. I have the love of my daughter and I love her more than life. She is the reason I would love to change the world, the world I have brought her into isn't good enough by any standard. But, I'm sure she'll give everyone what for.

My point is: keep trying, try and try again and make them listen. Make them know your life matters, just as much as theirs does. Your life is precious, just as much as anyone else's and although you may not think it is, I'm sure your family does. That may not be biological family in some people's cases but someone loves you, someone is begging you to hang on.

Thank you for reading.

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