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Mental Illness Part One

Depression

By Bailey SimpsonPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
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"Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances." –National Institute of Mental Health

*** This interview is with Kylee P. again. And these are her personal experiences. Everyone is different and everyone handles situations differently. This content is not to be used without our consent. ***

Bailey: Have you been diagnosed with depression?

Kylee: Yes. Both depression and anxiety.

What were some of the causes, minor or major?

Kylee: My second move from the base to Ventura was really hard. I had just moved 3,000 miles away from family, I did have a support group which is why the second move was so hard. I was on military housing and my parents had just split up, which I knew needed to happen, moving into a new house, new school and basically a new life was so hard. Also the loss of being able to swim on a regular basis, because of my EDS effecting my shoulders, was hard. I hadn't been diagnosed yet so that was really complicated and difficult, not knowing what was wrong with me. Definitely my dad moving away, even more so him moving back with my step mom.

Did your family and friends understand?

Kylee: I feel like I didn't talk about it. I didn't talk to anybody about anything. With everything happening with the move and the divorce, I mean it wasn't a clean divorce. The splitting up and getting back together, I learned to kind of fend for myself and it was my job to fend for myself and my sister. So I didn't talk about anything. I was really angry with my mom at the time and my dad had just moved to New Jersey so I didn't want to worry him. And I would have if he was closer. I didn't talk to my friends because most of them were also military kids and had moved away. And the friends I did have in Ventura were abrasive, didn't really allow me to have other friends. I was bullied by one of them pretty badly.

Have you been prescribed medication, plant life or chemical?

Kylee: I was prescribed antidepressants when I was 13.

And are you aware that one of your medications, Diamox, can have side effects like depression?

Kylee: Yes but it's hard to tell if it effects me because of the antidepressants that I'm on and my IH, Diamox treats Intracranial Hypertension, was making me really confused. I'd lose chunks of time and had a lot of emotional issues because I couldn't deal with anything. My mind was literally being pressed on. So it's hard to tell.

Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide and why?

Kylee: Yes. At the time I was just overwhelmed. My dad had just moved back and I was really excited. I went to the court and got my custody situation switched on my own, 50/50. Which my mom kinda warned me about. There were already problems with my step mother. But I was already very angry at my mom still and ignored everything she had to say. I started the 50/50 at my dads, loved it and then very quickly hated it. My dad moved first and then my step mother moved. And as soon as she moved in it sucked. I wanted to change it back but I had JUST gone to court so I felt stuck. You can't really call a relationship at 14 a relationship, but I was dating this older boy and it was just a big problem. Also throughout my childhood if I was sad or moody or whatever, the answer was the pool and I couldn't swim anymore. It was taken from me because of EDS. I didn't have an outlet anymore I didn't know what else to do.

Have you ever hurt yourself because of your depression? Self harm doesn't just cover the physical harm but the emotional as well.

Kylee: Yes absolutely. I was admitted to a mental health facility on two separate occasions for physical self harm and suicide attempts.

What were some of the things that helped you?

Kylee: Absolutely learning communication skills, I was a very soft spoken person. I didn't talk back, look at anyone wrong, I was very very shy and small. After being admitted to a facility, they had an outpatient and a therapist that helped me bring my parents in. I worked things out with my mom, our relationship really improved and that's something that's kept me dealing with things over the years, my mom. I was also able to get things off my chest about my step parent, which was a big deal because I was a daddy's girl and I had no idea how to tell him that she was ruining my life. So I ended up writing. I was writing letters to him, some I eventually gave to him which felt good and not good. But it needed to be done and what was happening. So writing has really helped and my art has helped so much. I started physical therapy in the water, so great.

Did your family help you?

Kylee: Absolutely. I'm glad I worked things out with my mom when it happened because I had no idea how sick I was going to get and how much time I was going to spend with her. I'm glad it happened at a younger age because then I was okay when my medical problems got worse. We made it out stronger. All of us.

Did anyone stop talking to you because of your depression?

Kylee: I think people our own age don't do that as much. There not as judgmental about it. I feel like I've had a lot of questions from older generations. I've found that older people are more judgmental about it and are hush-hush about it. People our age get it, we can talk about these things now, we don't need to be hush-hush. So it's really just older generations that are weird about it, they don't understand. When they were younger you didn't talk about your issues openly. You kept everything that wasn't pleasant behind closed doors and even it wasn't good. They just had the mind set of you work until you die, you don't complain, you can sleep and be upset when you die. And now days that can get you in trouble, say that to the wrong person and they could hurt themselves thinking that that's all life is. You can't feel comfortable talking about it if everyone is like "Oh you're sad? Oh well." And no it's much deeper than that.

Is there anything that you would like to say to anyone who feels that there is no way out?

Kylee:

What do you do differently to help you?

Kylee: I like to walk. I go on walks. I'll draw or paint. I have my friends, they are literally 24/7. If I need someone, they're there for me. I'll call or text and someone will answer. If I had nobody to help I'll listen to music or I'll work on my art. Walking really help and I love to watch movies. People feel sad and watch movies to cheer them up, I watch movies about mass murders. Horror movies cheer me up!

*** Self harm, invisible or visible, is never the answer. I have gone down that path and it's not a good one. More people care about you than you think and would hate to see you hurt yourself. And if you really do have nobody to talk to in person there are thousands of people online or over the phone that want to help you. Always try to find a reason. ***

Kylee and I met in high school. I was a junior and she was a freshman. I had to retake a class and was told to sit next to her. After class had started and we had a little time to ourselves I put my headphones in and played P!nk. She's not normally my go to when I'm feeling upset, typically I listen to Five Finger Death Punch, metal is life, but that day I really needed some girl powered vocals. I look over at Kylee's face and I knew something was wrong. She was getting out of her chair and I hear, "Hey you look like you need a hug. Want one?" come out of my mouth. She nodded, we hugged and then I shoved my left headphone in her ear. Later she told me that she was going to kill herself that day at school. Never have I been so happy that I hugged a complete stranger. Kylee and I have had our ups and downs, we've gone months without talking before, however she's the best friend I've ever had. She's the most loyal, kind and understanding person. Having someone like that in my life saved my own. I didn't realize how close I was to killing myself until I met her. My home life wasn't great so she let me into hers. Whenever I'm feeling depressed, upset, mad, sad, or just having a bad day I always remember that I have someone who won't judge me or criticize me. She just helps me.

Even if you don't have someone like that in your life, you will be okay. I promise. Try to live your life with no regrets. So if you look back in 5 or 10 years you can say you have no regrets, not even a single letter.

Thanks for reading!

depression
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About the Creator

Bailey Simpson

I love experiencing new things! Remember there is always someone who knows more than you do, be willing to learn new things.

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