Mental Illness: The Demons Within

There is a reason that mental illness is one of the first things that must be ruled out in cases of possible possession, and the reason for that is that the two are so similar that one is sometimes mistaken for the other. In my opinion, mental illnesses are as much a form of possession as demonic or spiritual possession; the difference between the two is that one requires a priest while the other requires a mix of therapy and medication.

Both, however, require love and support of loved ones. Mental illnesses and possession are dangerous, terrifying to the victim and those around them and can result in severe injuries and in some cases, death. While I have never faced demonic possession, I have suffered from the possession of several mental illnesses and many of my experiences are very similar to the ones I have researched of those who have been through demonic possession.

Without therapy, medication, and support, the mental illness “demons” take over, and our lives are no longer our own, they belong to the illnesses, the demons that are inside of us. When they take over, we begin to lose the battle we have been fighting for so long, we become someone else, we are not ourselves and we lose control of our minds and our bodies.

What we say, think and do is controlled by the illnesses that have taken over. But inside our minds, our true selves are still there, still trying to fight, trying to break free of the hold that the illnesses have on us. It’s the same with possession, without the proper help and appropriate steps, the demon takes over and the individual who is possessed loses control of their body and their mind, they say and do things that they never would have before.

In some cases of possession that I have researched, the individuals who were possessed stated that while they were possessed they could see and hear what was going on around them but they were trapped by the demon and could not stop what was happening and could not call out for help. In a few cases I have researched or heard about, witnesses’ claimed that messages were carved into the skin from the inside and believed that the messages were from the person who was trapped, as a way of asking for help.

When I self-harmed, I believe that was my way of coping and gaining some control of my body, but it was also my way of asking for help, similar to those possessed by demons that cut messages into their bodies from inside. Instead of cutting messages from the inside, I was cutting on the outside but inside I was still trapped and screaming for help but nothing was coming out, it felt hopeless, like I was drowning and some force was pulling me under, and I couldn’t breathe and there was no one there to save me, or like I was in a room full of people, screaming for help, but no one could hear me.

For anyone who has experienced something like that, it is very terrifying and you feel scared and alone and helpless and all you want is for it to stop, to be free of the pain and that’s when many turn to self-harm or suicidal thoughts and attempts. Many people say that suicide is a selfish act and the act of a coward but it actually takes a lot of courage to make a decision like that even if it is the wrong decision. If a building is on fire and you are at the top of it and you have just been told help will not arrive, what would most people do? They would jump.

When the World Trade Center was hit, people jumped because they felt they had no other options, no one said it was selfish or cowardly. It’s the same with someone who is mentally ill. If they are hurting and afraid but feel like there is no way anyone can help them, in their mind they believe they have no choice but to “jump” to end it. The act itself may be selfish but the thoughts behind it are not selfish, many truly believe that they are doing the right thing, they are not in their right mind, and some think it’s better in the long run for their family and friends if they end their life, and believe what they are doing is helping their loved ones, while others think only of ending the pain they are in and can’t think of anything else and all they want is to end the pain but unfortunately it does not occur to them the pain they will be causing others.

That is why mental illnesses are so dangerous, because they cause a person to lose control of their bodies and their minds and do things without thinking, things they normally would not do. Some know what they are doing is wrong but feel like they have no control. It just depends on the person and the severity of their illness and their situations in general.

It’s the same thing with suicide attempts, at least for me it was. I have made several attempts and felt like I had no control; it was like I was a puppet on a string, and some evil puppeteer was controlling what I did while an evil ventriloquist was forcing me to say things I would never say. I realize it probably sounds silly to say that, but that is exactly how it felt to me. When I would tell family and friends that I no longer wanted to live, deep inside I was screaming that I didn’t want to die, and screaming for help, but what I wanted to say was coming out as something else. While I made the attempts, in my head I knew what I was doing was wrong and I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t.

Those forces were there again, taking over my body and my mind and once again I was powerless to stop them. They say that most people who commit suicide, regret the decision at the last second, usually too late. Although my attempts have not been successful, I do know that feeling; when I had gone too far, that force that had taken over before, finally loosened its grip on me, and disappeared at almost the last second and left me with this feeling of fear, loneliness, and regret and it’s absolutely terrifying. I was lucky because with each attempt, someone or something interfered before it was too late. But not everyone is that lucky and by the time that force lets them go, it’s too late and they are gone.

In an attempt to gain some control many people turn to unhealthy ways of dealing with their daily struggle such as: eating disorders, self-harm, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything that gives them the feeling that they can at least control their bodies if not their minds. Some will also push away friends and family thinking that doing so will protect them. They think it’s better to be alone than to feel like they are a burden on those they love.

The illnesses change the person to the point they are barely recognizable to family and friends, they become a stranger, and usually an unkind and sometimes even violent one. If a person changes, family and friends must understand that the person the illness makes them become is not the person they are, that person is somewhere inside, trapped, and fighting with everything they have, to get out. Sometimes they win that fight and they are back to the person they were before or as close to that person as they can be, and other times they lose the fight and will never become the person they were again and eventually they may lose the battle completely and lose their life.

It is crucial for family and friends to be understanding and know that the person they see before them may be changed but deep inside the person they know and love is still there and needs their love and support more than ever, in order to win their battle against the demons that have taken over their minds. That is the same with demonic possession, that person is still in there somewhere, fighting to get out, to be free from the force that controls them.

When I was at my lowest, two people who I thought were friends walked away when I needed them the most and made accusations and judgments and said I was hiding behind my mental illnesses. They were very wrong; I never hid behind my illnesses at all, I just did not have control of them at the time. They had taken over and changed me and I was fighting so hard to free the person I really am and get rid of the person I became because of my illnesses. If mental illnesses didn’t change or control people, they wouldn’t be a problem, but they do so they are a problem. A person who says or does things they normally wouldn’t and says it’s their mental illness, is not hiding behind the illness, they are just being honest because mental illnesses control the mind, and what we say and do. However, everyone is different, so what applies to me may not apply to others but I personally did lose control of my mind and what I said or did was not the person I am. Many times I would say or do things and not realize they were hurtful and not okay.

Unfortunately not everyone understands that, and they choose to walk away if that happens, those people are not people who care about you and therefore, not people you need in your life. It is important to cut ties with people like that in order to heal and continue your fight. You must surround yourself with people who love and support you and understand that you are doing the best you can and that you are fighting a never-ending battle.

I am not saying that we should not take responsibility for our words and actions; I am saying that we are not to blame because we have lost control of our minds and our bodies and that should not be held against us as it is out of our control. We don’t always realize what we are saying and doing because we are not in our right minds.

If a person says or does terrible things while they are under possession, are they blamed for it? No they are not, because those who know them know that the person they are seeing is not the person they know and love, but something or someone else, which is also the case with mental illnesses. Regardless of what possesses the person, it is crucial that they have all the love and support of their loved ones in order for them to win the battle that they are fighting every day. Without that love and support, their chances of winning are reduced greatly.

The definition of possession is as follows:

“A condition in which a person feels they have been taken over, or ‘possessed’ mentally, physically, and emotionally, by an outside spirit, entity or separate personality. This entity controls all aspects of their personality.”

This is pretty much the definition of what mental illness is. Mental illness and unexplained phenomenon often go hand in hand. It is believed by some, that those who are mentally ill are more vulnerable to hauntings and possessions because the illness weakens their minds and they have little or no control.

I have a book that was given to me by a friend and it’s called Necronomicon; in the book it states that,

“Persons of unstable mental condition, or unstable emotional condition, should not be allowed under any circumstances, to observe one of these rituals in progress. That would be criminal, and perhaps even suicidal.”

Despite having seven different mental illnesses, my fascination and love of the paranormal makes it very difficult for me to avoid it, but I mention that in more detail in a bit.

In the next few chapters, I will define the mental illnesses I personally suffer from and will compare them to possession and maybe other unexplained phenomenon that could also be similar or somehow related to the illness, and hopefully give some insight into the mind of an individual who suffers from several different mental illnesses and the experiences I have had during this constant battle that I fight.

As previously stated, I am giving insight into my own mind and my own experiences and opinions, I cannot speak for others who suffer from mental illnesses and I cannot speak for anyone who has experienced demonic possession.

Since I was a little girl, I have been very open to the paranormal and have had a few experiences with it and also have some abilities that not many people have and I believe that a big part of that is my mental illnesses and the effect they have had on my brain.

I believe I am more vulnerable to the paranormal and therefore I am very cautious with my research and what I read and watch (especially while writing this book because I am doing a lot of research into the paranormal and opening myself up to it more than usual.) I have done research on demonic possession and have watched documentaries on it and have come to the conclusion that my experiences with mental illness, though not paranormal in nature, are very similar to some of the experiences of a person who has been possessed based on what I have researched, though not as intense as an actual demonic possession would be.

Even if some who read this book are not believers in the paranormal or do not believe that mental illnesses exist, I hope this still helps you to understand people in your life who are suffering from mental illnesses so that you can help them the best that you can and maybe it will change your mind and make you realize that these illnesses do exist and that someone you love may be experiencing some of the same things as me and need your love and support.

If you do not believe in possession that does not change the fact that mental illnesses are very similar to signs of posession. I hope this book is informative and maybe even therapeutic for those who have had similar experiences or at least suffer from the same illnesses and for their family and friends. I also hope it inspires you to keep fighting those demons within, the ones we fight every single day, you can do it and you are not alone. You are stronger than your illnesses and you can overcome them and get back the control you have lost.