Mental Illness: The Demons Within

One of the illnesses I was recently diagnosed with while I was hospitalized is BPD, aka Borderline Personality Disorder. The definition of the disorder according to The National Institute of Mental Health website is:

“Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.”

The definition is not too different from most of the other illnesses I suffer from, in fact it almost seems as if it is a mixture of all of them but is apparently a separate illness. Much like my other illnesses, it has caused me to be very impulsive, instable behavior and self-image and of course the anger, depression, anxiety etc. A great example of an intense anxiety attack I had was about a year or so ago, I was home alone and there was a severe thunder/lightning storm and torrential rain.

I am absolutely fascinated by severe weather and have never in my life, been afraid of storms (that I can recall anyway) but this one particular night, I was absolutely terrified, I was hyperventilating, I couldn’t breathe and I was shaking like a leaf and crying uncontrollably, I had to call my sister and have her talk me through the attack and calm me. It confused me because as I said, I love storms and they actually calm me but my BPD caused me to have an intense anxiety attack that night.

Going back to previous chapters, the former friend of mine who had manipulated me and mentally abused me, triggered my BPD because as I mentioned, if he didn’t talk to me for long periods of time, I would actually have an intense anxiety attack and that is not at all like me. I think that was more his doing than my illnesses but I still believe the illness was part of it.

I would also have intense anxiety over my ex mostly seeing him and it actually affected my work life as well as my personal life. I don’t know if that was my illness or just a symptom of a broken heart or perhaps it was both, I don’t really know.

My BPD definitely affected relationships, a good friend of mine hasn’t talked to me for a long time because I said and did some hurtful things to her, I am not sure if our friendship can be salvaged or not but she has talked to me a little bit recently and made a comment about forgiveness taking time so I hope that in time we can mend our friendship and that I can get her forgiveness when she is ready.

It has also affected my relationships with my family though not quite as much because my family is more understanding of my illnesses and have also dealt with me ever since I have been diagnosed with them but we have had our fair share of problems partly because of my BPD and other illnesses.

The similarities between BPD and cases of demonic possession are pretty much the same as the ones for depression and bi-polar. A person who is possessed would certainly have a lot of intense emotions, anger most likely being the strongest one. They would also have extreme anxiety and would be impulsive and could have or end up with an eating disorder and self-harm, become suicidal and violent as well.

In the book Devils & Demonology In The 21st Century by author Katie Boyd, she mentions something called "negative thoughtforms" which is very closely related to mental illness and I believe in her list of the causes, she mentions illnesses.

So BPD could potentially cause negative thoughtforms as well as possibly open someone up to possible possession. A negative thoughtform can also possess a person if I remember correctly.

Friends seeming to turn against you are also a cause of negative thoughtforms and that is also part of BPD, an unstable relationship could absolutely be related to a person thinking that their friend is against them.