Moving out of State: The Anxiety & Depression

June 27, 2018. My last night in Santa Cruz, California, the only place I had ever known. I spent it with my best friends, sitting on the tailgate of my Toyota Tacoma up in the mountains watching the sunset. The whole thought of actually moving away hit me that night, as I dropped my best friend off at her house. Right as she slammed the car door, I knew at that moment it was going to be hard, but I had no idea just how hard it would be. I remember the day I left, my 16-year-old self-had to drive herself to a whole other state with a full car. I remember saying goodbye to my house, my safe haven, where I grew. I remember driving down Highway 1, the people, the places, and the memories behind me. Every exit I passed, I felt like a tiny piece of my heart went with it.

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I had always told myself I was going to be fine if I moved away. Just because I never really had reliable friends. All through the first two-ish years of high school, I hung out with the same two people who didn't really support me mentally. It wasn't until I let go and started hanging out with more people and I really started coming out of my shell. That's just how I met my best buddies I have to this day. (Love you guys and I would have never found my love for the mountains without you.) Once I came out of my shell, I realized how much I loved it right where I was.

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I have never struggled with depression, that is until now. I've lived in Nevada now for about two months and it's been extremely hard for me to adjust. Since I have started school, it has only gotten worse. I find myself a very introverted/extroverted person, meaning I become very lively and outgoing once I get to know someone. It is very hard for me to make friends, especially with people who I don't share interests with. People's lifestyles here are different and from what I have learned from being in high school people who already have a friend group feel like they don't need to branch out or need any more friends because they have all they need. Also, coming from a school with about 1,000 kids with an outdoor campus to an indoor campus with almost 2,000 is insane. Walking through the halls for me is a challenge, it's like a sea of kids shoving and pushing each other, desperate to beat the crowd. My anxiety builds up which causes me to have mini panic attacks throughout the day.

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After moving here, I quickly realized my biggest fear wasn't spiders or being alone. It was being forgotten. I am so scared of the people back home forgetting about me that it's constantly in the back of my mind. I have to have others remind me that they never would just to make me feel reassured. I wish things were different, I bet a lot of people do. But I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason," and know things will work out in the end. I am fortunate to only be moving a few hundred miles away, not thousands. I know I can always go back which tends to ease my mind a bit.

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Whether its family, new job opportunities or a different reason moving to a new town can be challenging (look at me I'm a mess haha). But just know in the end it will get better! It's all about time. It takes time to make friends. It takes time to heal. Take it from me, the depressed teen who hated it in the beginning, but over time grew to like it.