Music Has Literally Saved My Life

Music is powerful. It has the ability to lift you out of dark and terrifying places that your mind tends to drift to when you feel alone, scared, depressed, etc. I was born in 1982, the time of big hair, boomboxes, The Breakfast Club, and the internet wasn’t really a thing yet. Music kept me company and was my friend throughout my childhood. I remember listening to the radio at night and having the sounds of Bon Jovi or Def Leppard fill my ears as I fell asleep. It was a simple time back then, just me and my music.

I became a depressed freshman year of high school. That was the beginning of my mental illness problems. I was constantly bullied, made fun of, picked on, and high school was hell for me. I remember coming home and retreating to my bedroom to do homework. Headphones on, problems off. Music was and still is therapy for me even today. My musical tastes have changed, though. I do find myself listening to more metal/alternative, even giving bands I disliked when I was younger a chance to fill my ears with harmonic bliss. The likes of Metallica and Five Finger Death Punch adorn my playlist and I find myself listening to them on repeat.

There was a time I was so deep into depression that I thought about taking my own life. On a couple of occasions, I tried to do just that. I remember going on YouTube and looking for something to calm me down and center me from the bad thoughts. Logic’s “1-800-273-8255" came up, so I clicked on it. I never knew this song alone would change my life and I found myself listening to it whenever my mental health got bad. It brought me up from a place that I never wanted to be in. It let me know that everything was going to be okay. Does this mean music has completely healed my mental illness? Not by a long shot. There are still times I get so caught up in my depression that all I want to do is not wake up the next morning. Imagine my relief when I do wake up to fight another day. I no longer take things for granted. Every morning I see another dawn is a blessing for me.

One band that has really helped me through both anxiety and depression is Imagine Dragons. Their song “Demons” perfectly encapsulates what I go through on a daily basis, the daily fight in my head between good and evil. One lyric from the song that stays with me:

“When you feel my heat Look into my eyes It’s where my demons hide It’s where my demons hide Don’t get too close It’s dark inside It’s where my demons hide It’s where my demons hide”

That one part of the song speaks VOLUMES. I’ve pushed so many people away due to fear of being judged for my mental health problems; when I find out we have a mutual interest in the same type of music, I tend to open the door a little bit into myself. Most people don’t know this, but music has healing benefits. It saved me from trying to kill myself, it’s shown me that there is always another day to do better and fight, and to keep moving and not give up. Even if the world seems to give you the finger that day, you just smile and walk into the sunset. I literally owe my life to the music that I listen to. I tend to find myself even listening to music when I’ve done the most mundane of tasks, it makes me feel better about everything going on in my life and it gives me hope to look forward to another day.