My Choice of Disease

I remember the first time I used a drug for something other than it was intended for. I was 15 and I was at home waiting on two of my friends to come over to talk to me about something I had done to upset them. I was nervous about them confronting me about the situation. I hated confrontation, and I didn't know what I had done to make them angry with me. As I waited, I laid on the couch facing the kitchen, looking at the refrigerator, and sitting on the top of the refrigerator was a bottle of Codeine Cough Syrup, and I thought to myself how good that medicine made me feel a couple days ago when I was taking it for my cough. I thought I should take some now to make myself feel better, because I was feeling like hell because of the situation I was in. 15 minutes later I had taken at least five Tablespoons, and I was a new person. I felt happy, relaxed, I had no anxiety, and I felt confident, and self assured. Enough to face my friends and remedy the situation with no worries. I had just found heaven.

I'm now 49 years old and was just released from jail a week ago for having a positive drug test for Meth, while being on probation. My Addiction to drugs has been a long, painful, memorable trip. Not only for me but to others in my life, family and friends both. I have had periods of Recovery and hope, and periods of despair and pain. A lot of people say addiction is a choice, and science says addiction is a disease, I say, "It's my choice Of disease." I chose to pick up the drug, but I sure as hell didn't choose to become addicted to it, that's where the disease comes in. I have something inside of me that won't let me put that drug down. It makes me love drugs over anyone or anything in this world. All I want more than anything in the world is MORE & MORE & MORE DRUGS... I can't get enough. Even if I know it's dangerous and can kill me. If it can get me high, give it to me. I will choose drugs over my own children. If I could, trust me, I would put that drug down and live a "Normal" life, be a mom, hold a job, not lie, not steal, not be homeless, but instead I pick up and use. Why, because something in me tells my brain to do it over anything else. It is NOT a choice.

I am not saying to run out now and deal with your son, daughter, husband, or mom being a drug addict, because it's a disease, but don't hate the user, hate the disease. In other words, treat it like a disease not like a choice. Get the addict help, not punishment. I know the addict needs to want the help before any help is going to be of any help, but the more you understand this disease, and the more the addict sees that you're trying to understand the problem, the more you're going to be able to get through to them and do an intervention, because then you're not attacking the addict, you're coming at them with empathy and understanding, and wanting them to get help instead of disgust and hate, and wanting to put them down for their, "Choices." Education will be your best weapon in your war to help your loved one to get clean. Remember you're asking the addict, not to just quit drugs, but to drop their entire life, the only one they have known for however long, and start all over sober. To feel every feeling that goes with starting all over from scratch. That's pretty scary for someone who hasn't felt a damn thing in who knows how long... that's why someone picks up a drug in the first place... to mask feelings.

Education about Drug addiction is a necessity in our War on Drugs. We need to see it for what it is; a Disease. Recovery is possible, but the work isn't the addict's and the addict's alone, it takes a village.