Not If but When Your Kid Is Offered Drugs

"You girls be careful! What are you two up to tonight, anyway?" Me: "We are going to sell drugs, mom." My mom laughed and playfully said, "Yeah, ok well, then for sure you two be careful out there." My best friend and I giggled and darted out the door. The truth was that we were going out to sell drugs. I was 17 years old and I was on my way to meet my 26 year old dealer. He was sitting in front of my house at that very moment. He was "fronting me" a thousand dollars worth of methamphetamine and marijuana to sell to my friends.

The sad part, I was telling my mom the truth and she had no idea. She had no clue that her once innocent daughter was now 17 years old and a full blown addict. Her daughter was a drug dealer. Her daughter had introduced many of her friends to meth and they introduced her to ecstasy, weed, cocaine, cough syrup, and cold pills. Her daughter was a regular at the techno club 20 minutes away from home.

She had no idea that in less than a year her daughter would land herself in jail with a $55,000 bond for felony manufacturing with the intent to deliver a controlled substance. Even though I told my mom I was walking out the door to sell drugs, she had no idea how much her daughter had changed in a year. My mom had no idea that 9 out of 10 people with substance abuse problems start using before the age of 18 (centeronaddiction.org).

My mom and I moved to a small town, population 386, from a larger city midway through my freshman year. I had grown up going to this little town every weekend to see my family. I knew everyone there. I was confident that I would make friends with the people I had spent my life playing with until the street lights came on and every Friday night at the high school football games. I was wrong. I felt isolated. I felt alone. I fell for a guy who I thought hung the moon. We had a volatile relationship filled with physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. My mother had no idea. I got pregnant and had abortion the same year that my best friend killed herself because she was pregnant. We dated for 18 months. After him, I was undoubtedly an outcast. He a football player and I was shunned.

I started hanging out with new people. I started smoking cigarettes to fit in. They introduced me to weed, cold pills, and inhalants. I had no clue how to have fun without being high or drunk. My family had booze at every get together we had. I knew no better. Before I knew it I would knees deep in the "dope game" and I had dragged everyone I loved along with me.

I lived in a "safe town." No one talked about the underlying problem. No one acknowledged that my behavior had changed. No one mentioned the fact that I slept through every single class. No one talked about the weight I lost. No one mentioned the changes in my behavior. No one noticed. Why? I kept my grades up. I kept going to school. I came home at curfew every night. I hid it well. Why do I tell you all these things? I know what it's like to see the kid who makes a 180 and its obvious that he's on drugs and I know what it's like to fly just under the radar.

I also know that 60% of teen say that drugs are used or sold at their school and that, "By the 8th grade, 52% of adolescents have consumed alcohol, 41% have smoked cigarettes and 20% have used marijuana." (Source). Why are teens using drugs? According to the New Port Academy, and so many other sources, they are self medicating, dealing with trauma, depression, anxiety or other mental health issues, or plain ole peer pressure.

Personally, I was self medicating from the trauma of my relationship and abortion. I was also just trying to fit in with the only people I felt would hangout with me. Is there anything that could have kept me from using? Yes. I truly believe yes. That is the point of this article. I want to help you equip your children to say no. Say no to self medicating. No to peer pressure. No to having to be intoxicated to have fun. It isn't a matter of if, but when they are offered drugs. It's going to happen. At the very least, it will happen to one of their friends.

Equipping your kids:

1) Teach them how to have fun without having to be drunk.

Chances are pretty high that you aren't actively using drugs but you may enjoy a drink every now and then. It is important to show your children how to have fun without needing a beer in your hand to do so. Take them bowling, hiking, canoeing, learn to play a sport together. The possibilities are endless but take the time to show them ways to enjoy themselves without intoxicants. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy your glass of wine with dinner or friends. What I am saying is you littles need to know that there are other outlets for enjoyment that don't have to be ingested.

2) Anger Management

Coping mechanisms are true lifesavers. Equipping your children with ways to deal with life is paramount to the choices they will make in the heat of the moment. You want them to know what to do when they are alone, crying, and upset and the school pothead offers them a joint to help ease the pain of their most recent crisis.

3) Be open to your child.

They have to know that if they come to you they will be greeted with nonjudgmental openness. Remember, we all more stupid choices and try to react with love first. Then discipline, when needed. My mom asked me twenty times if I was sexually active. I told her no about a million. Imagine my regret when she realized my period was late before I did.

4) Listen. Really listen.

Your kids are trying to tell you what they need even if they don't know how to say it. I flat out told my mom I was selling drugs but she skated right over it. Teens will use sarcasm, jokes, or blatant honesty to communicate. Make sure you can tell the difference.

5) Stop and smell the roses.

Literally. Stop and admire your child. Pay attention to them. Let them know you are present and very much aware of what is going on in their lives. If they feel like you are a part of their life, they will be less likely to make choices that they know you will disapprove of.

I am 33 years old. My name is Teresa and I am a recovering addict. My addiction lies dormant because I work everyday to make one right choice after another. I do everything I can to make sure my daughter doesn't make the same bad choices I did. I want to see a world where teen minds have the opportunity to meet their full potential. I have 13 years clean. I was 16 when I started using. I will make a difference in the lives of teens.