Open Letter To The Insecure Ones

Insecurity. It feels like a crushing weight that never relents and just sits on your shoulders like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Insecurity can clash with anxiety and depression. Insecurity can eat away at your insides and turn you into a shell of a person you didn't know. People manifest insecurity with different things but at the end of the day what it all boils down to is, "Is this good enough?" or "Am I good enough?". The questions that no one can really answer.

Why can't anyone answer it? What makes this question so mystifying to people who deal with insecurity? I personally can't ever tell if I'm doing good enough at my profession, being a friend, being a lover, etc. It gnaws at me; it makes me feel raw and exposed; I never want to leave the warmth and comfort of my blankets that would never judge me for lying in bed all day. I don't want to find out that I'm not doing good enough, however. Finding out that the thoughts that haunt you during the day or late at night are true is worse than the fictional reality that's built in your own mind.

People say that being insecure is something you need to, "build a bridge and get over". They talk like it's something so easy; they talk like it's as simple as riding a bike. We're older now, and we look at riding a bike as a simple task that takes balance and two feet to pedal. When we were younger, though, we needed training wheels. Training wheels to help us get used to how the bike works, but, even then, it wasn't a grown-up bike. The real test was riding the bike, feeling your parent's hand on your shoulder as they balanced you on the two wheels, pedaling slowly with your helmet buckled just beneath your chin. You would fall a few times, or run into a few things and end up with scraped bloody knees. Back then, riding a bike wasn't easy; getting rid of your insecurities is like riding a bike for the first time.

Training wheels are a good place to start, and for me, it's not relying on the validation of other people. Validation of other people turned sour to me when their words of, "I'll reassure you anytime you need it," turned into them being annoyed with me for bothering them. I had to pick my training wheels somewhere else. I found my training wheels in the moments where I found something I wasn't insecure about, and I'd pride myself on it. I didn't want to start tackling my insecurity issues head on, I wouldn't believe myself, of course. Singing is something I hadn't ever been insecure about, and whenever I sang I'd compliment and validate myself; the self-validation didn't end there. Anything else I found that I wasn't insecure with, I'd tackle it with love and attention that I truly deserved from myself. My training wheels were myself; they're better than validation from any friend or loved one (even if those are still nice to hear).

I'm at the stage now where I'm sitting on a wobbly bike with a hand on my shoulder, taking a deep breath before I start making my way down the uneven sidewalks of my neighborhood. I haven't figured out how to place a hand on my shoulder for support, and maybe that can be my past training wheels. Knowing I'm good at things and knowing I can succeed in different things could be my supporting hand; knowing I'm a good person with a good heart could be the hand pushing me for balance.

The question of, 'Are you good enough?' is only a question you can answer. To people who are insecure like me, it takes time for it to completely go away. Insecurity comes from your own deep-rooted thoughts, your own self-image, and you deserve a better one to build yourself up again. You'll find your training wheels soon, and with time you'll be able to ride the bike of self-confidence without a helping hand. Just know, you're not alone in this, and that bike with the sparkling bell on the handlebars of self-confidence is waiting for you at the end.