Panic

Panic Attacks are a manifestation of anxiety and stress in the form of an uncontrollable outburst or suddenly lacking the ability to function (shutting down). This in an interview of a college aged woman who has struggled with Panic Attacks since high school. She describes having one and how these attacks have impacted her life.

Danni Greer: When was your first panic attack? Describe it.

Woman: My first panic attack happened in ninth grade at a forensics/public speaking competition. I didn’t know that’s what it was until much later, but it was a panic attack. The competition was at the high school I would have attended if I hadn’t moved the summer before. We were done competing and waiting on the results when the parents who were there decided that it was time for a team picture. I was one of the tallest, so, logically, I was put in the back. We were shoulder to shoulder, but they couldn’t fit us all in the picture so they kept telling us to get closer in together. Every time, I felt my heart speed up and my hands started shaking. My heart was pounding and it got really hard to hear what I was being asked to do. I couldn’t even force a smile or take a deep breath. Then one of my friends, who was about a foot shorter than me, turned around and looked up at me. And she laughed. I couldn’t tell you why or what exactly I did next, but the next thing I knew I was three yards from the picture takers shaking all over. They had scattered and were staring at me in shock and, thinking back, in concern. My twin sister stepped forward and demanded to know what I was doing. “Panicking!” I yelled. I managed to stand and dart behind a water heater that was farther down the hallway. I was shaking and mumbling. I stayed there until I could control my breathing enough to return to the group.

How have the attacks changed over the years (if they have)?

Now that I know what they are, they happen in varying degrees. Most of the time they’re not quite as dramatic as my first. Sometimes they start so suddenly that I don’t notice until my handwriting looks like a kindergartener’s. Sometimes they start a lot more slowly. I know they’re coming and I know that I need to remove myself from whatever situation I’m in. Recently, they’ve gotten less severe on average, though there are still times of panic where I can’t speak or stop my hands from shaking and I start crying from frustration.

Have you identified any triggers?

I have a lot of triggers: crowds, tight spaces, flying, high wind that takes my breath away, Vietnam videos and talking about Vietnam, and, sometimes, certain types of music at high volume e.g., dubstep or rap.There's a cologne that I can't place that caused an attack the other day.

Can you recognize an attack before it begins? If so, is there anything you do that can minimize or prevent the attack?

Most of the time, I can realize when my breathing’s too quick or my hands are starting to shake or my heart's beating too fast. When I realize that, I have medicine that I can take. When I don’t have my medicine, then I remove myself from the situation. For example, if I realized that the wind is starting to make me panic, I’ll find a building to go into or something to huddle behind so that I can catch my breath before it gets worse. If I'm having an attack in a building I don't know very well, or any building really, I go to the bathroom because, they're all basically the same. I mean, yeah, they have different color schemes and they're different sizes, but, unless you're going into some super high tech bathroom, they've all got a stall, sinks, and toilets.

What can bystanders do to help during an attack?

Many times, bystanders can’t do much. If a bystander I don’t know tries to help, it may just make things worse. Close friends of family can help by just not getting mad, frustrated, or panicked themselves. They can just speak calmly to me until I can talk back.

What do bystanders do that doesn't help?

Please do not touch. Friend, family, or stranger touching during a panic attack is asking for a flight or fight response and since I go into corners when I panic, I have been known to lash out, bruising people.

If I'm stuttering, don't point it out. The best way to irritate a stutter is to point it out, which will just make me more upset which will just make the stutter more noticeable.

If they’re talking to me, trying to calm me down, don’t say it’s all in my head. Of course it’s all in my head, but that doesn’t help me when I’m stuck in it. Just because it’s happening in my head doesn’t mean that it’s not real. The brain is an organ just like the heart or the liver and my panic disorder is a disease of the brain. Don’t dismiss that while trying to calm me down. That will only make things worse.

If I run off, do not follow me. That means that something about the people has made me panic and I need to get away. If a person follows me, it will most likely make things much worse.

And for pity's sake, don't tell me to calm down. I know I need to calm down. Trust me, I'm trying. Telling me to do something that I'm already trying to do will only make it worse.

What treatments have you tried? Have they helped?

I take medicine as needed, but that doesn’t always help. I’ve talked to counselors and pastors and tried to set up a pattern to follow because taking the unpredictability away is supposed to help. Talking to people helps sometimes. But the pattern/schedule seemed to make things worse than they were before. Honestly, the best help I get is from taking refuge daily in books I enjoy reading or spending time to watch a tv show that I’ve seen a hundred times before. This isn’t a prescribed form of therapy, but reading or watching something I’ve read or watched a hundred times gives me a sense of familiarity that helps ground me after any day.

How have these attacks impacted your life?

For many years, my panic attacks, or, rather, the threat of panicking has kept me from doing many things that I would probably have enjoyed. I haven’t taken all the opportunities I’ve had because of the possibility that I might panic because of them. I haven’t considered all of the jobs I would want to do because of the psychiatric requirements and the possibility I might panic. This doesn’t affect me as much since I’ve started figuring out how to avoid them and how to stop them when I get them. That doesn't mean they aren't a major part of my life. I've missed classes and quizzes I couldn't make up because I had a panic attack on the way to class or as I was getting ready. Sometimes the mental drain of having a panic attack can prevent me from really doing anything for the rest of the day, leaving a day behind at work and school.