Parent. Separated. Borderliner

Dear reader, my name is Irma. I am a separated wife and mother of three. Life's circumstances gave me unusual gifts of certain mental illnesses which are borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and major depressive disorder.

Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which it has nine symptoms that are crucial to being considered as one. Although it takes only five to be labelled one. It doesn't matter which five out the nine are the ones that someone is experiencing or in which order. The following bullets contain the specific symptoms required to obtain this diagnosis:

• Isolating
• Lacking empathy for others
• Unstable relationships that vary from intense idealization to intense hate
• Fear of abandonment
• Intense moods that can last from days to hours
• Anxiety, worry, and depression
• Impulsive and risky behaviors
• Hostility
• Unstable goals, careers, and desires

Basically, borderline personality disorder is a person that craves closeness but tends to alienate others due to their insecurities, impulsive behaviors or unstable emotions. We are intense in whichever emotion we are experiencing. Unfortunately, when coming back to "normal" it takes us a longer time than someone who is not labelled with this diagnosis. In therapy, they teach us how to control these intense emotions by practicing techniques to get into "wise mind." Wise mind is a combination of emotional mind and reasonable mind. A reasonable mind is technical. It lacks emotion and is more prone to situations such as being in class learning, shopping, calculating numbers, math, and problem-solving. In addition, an emotional mind in situations where we can be emotional. These situations are when someone is getting married, were being romantic, being present at a funeral, or feeling angry at injustice. Consequently, wise mind will bring us back to the baseline of our emotions. Baseline is the normal calm stable, unaltered stage of our emotions. Wise mind helps us reach baseline after a struggle with emotions at a faster pace.

Posttraumatic stress disorder is a condition in which an experience became a trauma to a person. These are the symptoms that people have to experience in order to be diagnosed with it:

• Insomnia
• Flashbacks
• Low-self esteem
• Unpleasant emotions
• No recollection of an event

PTSD is mainly treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of psychotherapy. It promotes the idea that one's thoughts, behaviors, and feelings affect one another. The goal is to change the negative thinking, action, and feelings through logic and data. Then the person can regain their self esteem and their peace back.

Major depressive disorder is a person that is clinically depressed and that is sad all the time. These are the following symptoms acquired to be labelled may include:

• Feelings of sadness, hopelessness
• Angry outbursts
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Insomnia or sleeping too much
• Lack of energy
• Reduced appetite or increased cravings
• Anxiety
• Lethargic
• Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Difficulty with memory, concentration, and decision making
• Suicidal thoughts, death, and suicidal attempts
• Unexplained physical problems

The best treatment besides medication to MDD is a combination of Cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, and interpersonal therapy. Cognitive therapy basis itself on how we interpret situations in our lives. Behavioral therapy focuses on how we react to them. Interpersonal therapy is about how we relate to others and how well we communicate with others.

These disorders do not resonate with me as much as BPD does. Maybe there is a correlation of how much MDD symptoms and PTSD symptoms one experiences while simultaneously dealing with another diagnosis such as BPD. I have not studied that yet.

All these disorders not only need medication but also need therapy to overcome their negative symptoms and become a productive person in society. For BPD, PTSD, and MDD I take Depakote 500mg, Lexapro 20mg, and Ability 20mg. But as of this month, March, my psychiatrist advised that for my weight gain issue I will have a reduced amount of Depakote to eliminating it completely. The reason being is that when Abilify is shot into the body instead of consuming it orally, the body absorbs it better and reduces the need for Depakote. Of course, my psychiatrist made sure I have not had a manic episode recently so that when the Depakote is consumed to lesser to no dosages I do not have a break down.

My partner of ten years has been living with a female that is also married to someone else for three years. And he won't file for divorce. I have finally gained the courage to file for divorce myself. He says that he will never live with me again since I have been diagnosed with these mental illnesses. Which I believe he is a person that does not have sympathy or knowledge about these illnesses. If he would, he would know that borderliners have positives to their symptoms. Since us borderliners are stubborn, curious, dedicated, and highly sensitive which makes us empathic, we make the best lovers if we know how to manage our negative symptoms.

Consequently, I am using my experience to be a voice on behalf of all mentally ill labelled people. I am in the process of writing a book. Once published, its title will be 'Mental Blessings in Disguise.' Since BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), has some positives to it, I call it a mental illness with blessings that are not quickly perceived by the mind. What a blessing in disguise!

Moreover, BPD has been the mental illness that has inspired me to create a blog due to its unique positive traits that it obtains. Please visit my blog at Mental Blessing in Disguise. If you'd like, you're able to purchase my personal paintings at an affordable price or purchase a book through my Amazon links which you'll help me recieve commission if you do.

Thank you and have a great day.