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Pregnancy Cured My Borderline Personality Disorder

With a Little Help, of Course

By Shaye GoodenoughPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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So, in February of this year, I was prescribed a magnificent medication called Sertraline (or Zoloft). Now a couple of weeks into taking it, I was on top of an eight-story building ready to jump. I was going through a really bad time in my life and I was just ready to finish it all.

After that, the doctors doubled my dose and after a few weeks, this settled down. In the middle of March, I was told I had one condition that would make it difficult to conceive and another that would make it difficult to carry. Ah.

Now, no woman wants to hear either of those things, especially one like me who desperately wants children. However, this turned out to be one of the best things for me, as ironically, it gave me something to live for. Many people in my situation may have added that to the pile of things wrong with their life and said you know what, I quit. However, I’m stubborn. Very stubborn. And if somebody tells me I can’t do something, I will spend months, even years, doing everything in my power to prove them wrong.

So I immediately stopped using protection, and even though I hadn’t had a proper period since November, I crossed my fingers, blew on dandelions, and even prayed. Prayed that I would be blessed with a child.

On April 12th, 2018 I found out exactly that. I was four weeks pregnant. How I fell so fast I still don’t know, but my god did I feel blessed. For a day. The next day I freaked out badly. Can I be a good mother? Was this the right time? Did I do this too fast? What if I lose the baby? What if my partner changes his mind? So many questions running through my brain, and yet by the day after that, I knew that I was so madly in love with this child. My child. Our child. That all the worries just dissipated.

Since then I have felt nothing but joy that I will be blessed with a tiny human that is half me and half of my perfect partner. So, so proud that my body (although I’ve had numerous problems in these first 18 weeks) has managed to conceive, grow, and nurture this little bean of mine. Empowered that I can, in fact, do something that I thought may be impossible. I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant before, as I know it can make borderline sufferers a lot worse.

As for my borderline symptoms? Gone. The mood swings were controlled by the tablets. I used to think I didn’t have any friends, but now the people who I thought were just okay are buying things for the baby, sending me links, making me presents, checking in on me, and generally being really good friends. I no longer worry about abandonment as I know my partner adores this child, and I know that my child will also adore me and won’t leave me (at least not until they’re old enough to leave home). I don’t feel lonely as I constantly have this tiny person with me.

I have never felt so loved, stable, and happy than whilst I’ve been pregnant. And don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified that I’ll go straight back to how I was once the baby is here, but for now, I’m pretty sure pregnancy has cured my BPD.

(Please note I am in no way endorsing using pregnancy to aid mental health, and everyone should seek medical attention should they feel their mental health is deteriorating.)

personality disorder
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About the Creator

Shaye Goodenough

I want to improve people's knowledge and awareness of mental health. I love good food, good company and good music. I'm into anime, movies, gaming, singing, poetry and baking.

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