Reaching Reality

Why do I only write when I’m feeling heartbreak? Is it because that is when I’m truly myself and having to face reality?

I’ve always thought reality as an overrated concept. I never truly dealt with the events in my life. I never dealt with my childhood, depression, anxiety, heartbreak; nothing. It’s all still their lingering and at times, it’ll all sink in at once, but I go on in life like nothing has ever happened to me. I smile, try to show others happiness and give their life fulfillment, even though I am left with nothing, but emptiness. All the time. I think I do this because I know how it feels to be the one feeling nothing but oblivion, and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way. With a life that has been based off many lies, betrayals, and emptiness, there starts to become ways of rejecting reality.

There are some people who can face reality always and are made for heart break, it seems. No matter what happens to them, they carry on like nothing even happened.

Then there’s others, like myself, who let everything get to them, even the smallest things. It’s hard being the one of those that can’t handle heart break, because it is inevitable. Everyone deals with death, ending of relationships, traumatic life events, and even the heartbreak one gives to themselves; that’s the worst. We all give each other heartbreak in different ways, but mainly it’s by those issues we see in ourselves. As people, we struggle with loneliness, worth, self- image, things we have done in the past, and so much more.

We all have flaws and hidden agendas in this life, and if discovered by others, have the potential to stop our world. Some of us have found those flaws and hidden agendas, and others are just waiting until that inevitable moment.

Nobody sincerely wants to focus on their flaws, the wrongs they have done, or bad occurrences in their lives. In today’s age, we mask reality with alcohol, lustful relationships, Netflix, food, or anything that hides us from what is happening in our very lives. Today, it seems that everyone is wearing masks and desperate to keep others at arms lengths, for if we don’t, there’s a possibility that someone might see us for who we truly are. This ultimately scares the shit out of us, because deep down we know that after we spill all we have into someone, they will inevitably leave. We meet someone, create memories, do everything we can to make them happy, share our deepest secrets, and sometimes share physical connections, just to watch them leave. Yes. This is fucked, but this is reality. Friends come and go, relationships end, people die. It’s all a part of life.

This is me, reaching my reality…and inevitable heartbreak.

What is the difference from heartbreak and reality? There is none.

Therefore, doesn’t reality always come with a little bit of heartbreak?

The answer is yes, but it’s worth it. Meeting new people, learning from them, connecting with them, and learning you’re not alone in this world; it’s all worth it. Experiencing heartbreak is worth it. At least we are feeling something, then nothing at all. We are only here for a short period and in that time, we are just looking for people who we can show our true selves to, and hopefully gain acceptance from them at one point. Reality can be overrated and it’s nice to live in a place where nothing bothers or breaks you, but all we’re doing then is hiding behind masks and ending with nothingness. Reality might be a downfall, but also the highest thing to reach for.