Reflections of Life

Let's say we can call this one a journal entry. Read it and you will be hurting along with me. Read it and you will feel certain that I never had a purpose. I feel worthless. Human touch has always made me nervous and the only time I feel content is when I'm spitting out some words in a poem. Catch me steady skirting because I don't want to end up hurting even more. But these strangers keep on trying, and I still tell them I am not buying because I am broke. So much that I have done gave up all of my hope. In my heart I feel like crying, in my throat, I feel a choke, around my neck I feel this rope, and on my head, I feel that blow. Every day I feel like dying, but I never let them know. And I never ever show the things that are clouding up on my mind because I'm just waiting for the right time to drop another poem hoping they realize to pick up the signs. I hope they are ignoring all my lies, and try to stop this suicide. Hope they see it coming before I run out of time. They say that "life's a journey and it's all about the climb." But I'm going to need some strength because I'm running out all of mine. But I can't pinpoint what's wrong. It's just everything combined, and for all the ones who hated me. Go ahead and step in the line. I'm sick of all the tears and the anger and this loneliness. I finally believe that I am crazy for everyone who has told me this. That I need someone to tell me I am enough, need you to show me this after being stepped on for so long. I think not that you owe me this, but at least just keep it real with me. I'm done with all this phoniness and don't look at me in the face to tell me that you have never noticed this. My door is always closed so that no one can ever open it. It's steady in a daze because I'm having trouble focusing. Eventually, I'm just numb from all the pain that I have been soaking in. And I want to sleep because I hate the world I woke up in. I feel so let down from all the people that I have been hoping my scars are almost shit. But, something always comes and opens them. Just close it, I can't continue to fall. My heart has been feeling so cold and these words I have been telling are coming out bold. Stop worrying about what comes out, and stop worrying about all the clouds. Because despite all the attention, I'm alone without a doubt. Mentally tired so I'm glued down to this bed and I want to feel warm but it's cold up in this house. My life as I tell you it's the last time even though I've said it countless times before writing. And I feel like I am going to mess this one up. It's kind of sad because it's the fourth time when someone has found me laying in my bed. Yes, I am depressed as the lonely moon in the sky. Just looking to hold this hand but you see those marks all up on my wrists. And I am sorry that I couldn't be as normal as everyone else. I have really tried but there's something missing from my heart. I'm broken deep inside and this house doesn't feel like a home. But here are some reasons why. I can't sit here in my room and be happy by myself but sometimes I sit around for hours wondering about my mental health. I feel like life isn't even worth it and will this struggle to overcome? I keep fighting with my demons but my demons.. they have won.