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Relapsing with Depression

What happened for treatment?

By Emma CPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I have not written anything in a while, having had some sort of writer's block. A few weeks ago my depression decided to slide its way into my life again and turned me upside down. It started slowly with me not sleeping it started to get later. To which now I am not sleeping until at least 9:00 AM and then sleeping all day. The moment I wake up, I seem to be instantly regretting it and wanting to fall back into a world I don't have to face. As if that wasn't already hard enough to stay awake, I could barely pick myself up to go the toilet due to such a lack of energy. This is the point I realised that there was an issue. I started fighting with the boyfriend, everything he did I started to snap I was becoming fed up with every word everyone was saying. I would snap if you told me the sky was blue. I was in deep trouble. You never really know the full extent of your depression. I peaked when I started crying at Hell's Kitchen, all because Gordon Ramsey shouted at someone. It felt so personal.

My Chosen Therapy

At current this is my therapy, I like to write and express it the way I know how. Unfortunately, I had to seek other ways. My first option was counseling. I organised an appointment with the help of my mum. When I got there I felt intimidated, more than ever but the glaring eyes of my mum I knew I was unable to leave.

When I got in, it was this room with two comfy couches, but the walls were painted were so brightly it was scary. As my arse touched the seat, the woman walked in and introduced herself. She seemed very nice, and I really don't think I come across that well as I just did not want to be there. She asked a few questions and then she sat back and told me that I had been through hell As if I didn't know.

She then started informing me coping strategies, like getting into writing again, coming in for weekly sessions, or putting my attention on other things such as find a hobby. Counseling forced me out of my comfort zone. I find it extremely difficult to speak about my feelings. I recognise it as a sign of weakness. I would rather have someone punch me in the gut 10 times than tell you how I feel. Saying it out loud means I am acknowledging my depression, I am letting it take its place in my head and I refuse to let stay—REFUSE. But after a two-hour session, I think I might go back after explaining everything. We seemed to have ended on a good note, and I walked out with 1/4 of the weight lifted off me. Evidently, I couldn't tell her everything I barely knew her and have very little trust between us.

Is it worth it?

I think I will go back, I think good can come from it and trust can be built. I would recommend to those who had a history or those who bottle all of their emotions up. It pushes you, I admit it, but that push is worth it. I cry as I finish this off because I feel a little vulnerable writing this. I haven’t told anyone I know that I am going. I will, one day, when I am more comfortable with my depression. But for now, I will seek comfort on the internet and my room.

Please feel free to tip.

With love, x.

coping
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About the Creator

Emma C

Issues are my speciality but writings my thing. Everything is true x

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