Rise Above

What is a narcissist?

Definition: Basically, a personality in which someone sees no fault in themselves or in their actions. They think they are perfect and feel the need to have a sense of entitlement. They turn criticism onto the other person in the most twisted ways.

"It's your fault," "You're immature and childish," "You're so stupid," "You never listen." You're never good enough. No, nothing you DO is ever good enough. Everything is always your fault. You do the slightest thing wrong, it's suddenly GAME OVER. But hold on, if they do the same thing, it's totally okay. It's almost as if it's against the law to hold that person to certain level of standards and expectations. For you, if you do anything they do, it's unacceptable. It's as if hell freezes over. You can't even bring it to their attention without them twisting it into their own sick way and making it your own fault you got hurt. It feels as though it's never ending, doesn't it? It's exhausting. Debilitating. It degrades you. It turns you into a person you never thought you'd be. It brings out the worst in you and makes you say and do things that you never, not in a million years, do. Yet, here you are, saying those terrible things, doing those irrational things, all to give that person a piece of their own medicine. But it doesn't work, does it? Nope, it just escalates everything. That person becomes more and more heartless by the second, turning even the most pure-hearted person into someone equally as heartless. One person who treats you that way for a long period of time, or even a short period of time, can completely change you. Something inside you just snaps, yet you stay around for some reason; maybe because you think that if you keep doing right by them, they will treat you better, or that they'll realize just how good they have it. But still, it never seems to happen. Your heart just continues to break more and more. Soon, you don't care about anything

Suddenly, you're this new person. The person you were before the narcissist entered your life—that person is gone. You soon start believing all the lies about yourself you were told. You start to truly believe you are never going to be good enough. You are depressed—a lot. As if your depression couldn't make things worse, right? Your anxiety has been triggered. You question yourself constantly. You begin to rethink talking to that person in fear something is going to be wrong, that you somehow messed up, yet again. There are weeks where you don't shower. You don't clean the house. You don't go out. You forget about everything to do with self care. You sit in your room with the door closed and binge watch TV shows on Netflix. You don't feel like cooking so you either don't eat at all, or you get fast food, instead. You wallow in your sadness and pain. You begin to tell yourself, "I did this to myself. This is all my fault he/she treats me this way. They're right." Yet you stay around, for some reason. Maybe because you think that if you keep doing right by them that they will treat you better. Or that they realize just how good they have it. But still, it never seems to happen. Your heart just continues to break more and more. Soon, you don't care about anything.

This. This is what it is like for those people who have suffered from the narcissistic behavior of another individual. Me being included into that mix. It affects nearly every aspect of our life: relationships, work, family, friendships. You second guess everything and everyone. For me, it effects my relationships and friendships the most.

I am an empath. It is a blessing and curse. I go above and beyond for people, whether it be a family member, or a boyfriend, or my friends, or strangers, even. So, when you place an empath with a narcissist, it's like fire and ice; so compatible, yet so very toxic at the same time. The empath compliments the narcissist in nearly every possible way, and almost every time, it goes WAY south. It is so very hard to come back from a relationship like that. As soon as you walk into a new relationship or a new friendship, you have to question them. You're scared to trust them because last time everything started off perfect, and in a matter of weeks, everything went to hell. You went from being the best part of someone's life to being the absolute worst—according to them.

So, imagine you are with a new person; fresh out of the narcissist/empath relationship. Something bothers you. When you were the narcissist, you would bring up the small but bothersome issue and, in one miraculous way or another, they managed to make it your own fault. The first time this happens you just kind of "rub it off," so to speak. Then, it happens again, and again. You begin to see this pattern with everything. Literally. There is nothing they can't make into your own fault or problem. Naturally, when you are with this new person, you bottle up your emotions and keep them to yourself in fear that this person in your life is going to do the same thing that last one did. You are afraid to get hurt. It takes a lot of time and trust earned to come around and talk about things. When you are in a relationship that toxic, you lose yourself, and once you begin something new, something fresh, something free, you have to find yourself again. It's scary. Believe me, I know.

The most you can do from coming out of a relationship like that is learn from it and grow from it, although you may have lost a lot of your conscience along the way. When the signs came in the beginning, you knew that what you were being told was a lie. You knew that you were a good person then, and you know in your heart that you never did anything wrong, despite what the other person continuously told you. Remember that and hold onto it as hard as you can. Keep on remembering that and keep telling yourself that you know what you deserve and you know you did your part and put your whole heart into it.

I know you may think you are a bad person because of all those negative thoughts drilled into your brain for so long. That is not the case, though. You have a heart of gold. You may also not believe that right now, which, that was my biggest struggle, and STILL is. You have to learn to ignore the negative thoughts and the lies you hear about yourself because you know as well as the other person does that none of it is true. Just keep filling your beautiful soul with some good thoughts and good vibes and you eventually return back to your normal, spunky, happy self again. Learn to stand up for yourself and rise above the negativity. No, it won't just happen over night. It takes a lot of time and will power to change your thought process. But don't worry, you will get there, and you will be okay once you allow yourself to let go of the past and realize how strong you are and how happy you deserve to be!

Much love, my beautiful people!