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Say Goodbye to Antidepressants...

My Story of Reducing Medication

By KCPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
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You're feeling low, depressed, in despair and you just can't shake it off so you turn to your GP and the majority of them will offer to put you on anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication. This is what they are trained to do. According to an article in The Guardian, 64.7 million prescription items for antidepressants were prescribed in 2016 to patients which is an increase of 3.7 million issued in 2015. Why is this? It is seen as a way of getting you out of that difficult time that you are having but what if that difficult time is with you for a long time? What if these tiny, white but deadly pills are destined to be your little friend that you have to visit on a daily basis and if you for some reason, forget to visit your trusted friend, then you really do start to wish you had never met your new companion.

I wish it was black and white so then I could say...say NO and run out of the door as fast as you can but it's not black and white is it. Sometimes we are in a place that we just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and that helping hand that our GP is offering seems like a small flame at the end of the tunnel that partially shows a glimpse of hope. I've been there. I know what that is like. Looking back now, I wished I ran out of my GP's that day she offered me those small white pills, but hey we don't have a time machine. What I know now in my life could have saved me from taking those pills and becoming a resentful associate of those tiny white pills. For me, at the time, I had no other way out. I needed to be numb to my surroundings. I'm not here to preach but I am here to tell you that from experience, I would ask you to seriously think about it as those tiny white, numbing pills are not going to be your long-term friend and believe me when I say that reducing my anti-anxiety medication has been like being dragged to hell and spat out the other end.

I was 19 years old when I started the medication called Citalopram. I was going through a difficult time in my life and found myself sitting opposite my GP in her surgery crying out for help. I can see now that she did not know what else to. I had a history of anxiety from the age of 14 so in her mind, this was my best option. It worked. It numbed the pain and I became disconnected from my emotions and detached from the world. I say worked, but that was not a life to lead. There were other factors to my pain at the time. I was in an abusive relationship, I was smoking a lot of cannabis and I was holding on to an immense amount of pain. Now today, I can say that I have battled a few demons but my ongoing battle is with my medication. I long for the day that I can finally not have to reach for my drawer where I hide my long-term friends and take out the white pill that numbs my emotions.

I have done the cold turkey routine and that felt like I was being tortured from the inside out. I couldn’t speak properly, I couldn’t communicate in a normal manner and I couldn’t bring myself to look at people in the face. Those dark days of physically not being able to get out of my bed and crying myself to sleep were heart-wrenching. I swiftly went back on the medication but it took nearly two years for my brain to feel like it was relatively normal again. I honestly believe that it caused a re-trauma to my brain. My brain and body had been through a tough old time and now here I was again facing the soul destroying pain again. Whenever I have attempted to reduce my medication, I revisit that dark hole again. I climb back into that deep, torturous tunnel again. I have always come through the other side but that storm is tough to ride through. Having thoughts of suicide, feelings of emptiness, floods of tears that cannot be controlled and periods of pure anger. I spent many evenings with my boxing gloves in the gym venting out my anger that I had reason for. I had areas that I was directing it to but no solid reason to why I felt such rage. My body went into shock. My skin flared up with acne. My eyes looked like they were burning and I would display sudden jolts in my mannerisms which is extremely embarrassing especially when you are trying to keep this inner torment a secret from the world. No motivation to get out of bed. I knew that I just needed to get the gym, go for a run or just a walk to help this shady feeling disperse from the over cast of clouds that were following me.

My advice that I would give to anyone that is about to reduce their medication or is currently going through it is this (take what you can from my story)…

  • Seek advice and guidance from your GP. You may need to be signed off from work whilst you are experiencing turbulence during this time.
  • Have a support network around you. I was attending my therapist sessions and my therapist was the only person I opened up to. Have as many people around you that you can.
  • Concentrate on eating good, healthy food. If you fancy ice-cream, then go for it but try and eat as healthy as possible.
  • Drink plenty of water. I was drinking up to 3 litres a day.
  • Join a gym, go for a run, and do something that make you sweat. This will help the endorphins in your body and help with your mood.
  • I was taking and continue to take Omega 3 tablets. The fish oils aid brain function and that is what you need right now.
  • If you can afford to, go to a Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist. After just one session, I felt more balanced and far less emotional and confused. Keep up the sessions throughout your reduction period.
  • Go for cold water swimming…if you can. Otherwise have a cold shower every morning. I watched a great programme on the BBC about reducing medication and they discovered that cold water swimming aids in the process of reducing medication. It enables the body to deal with the shock of the cold water and in turn, prepares the body for the shock of reducing the medication.
  • Get some sun. Ok, granted that it can be hard in the UK so I would attend a sun bed session. Now I know that holds risk factors of its own but I felt so much better after just one session.
  • Mediate. This is an ancient tool that has been used for centuries and helps to settle the mind of all the thoughts flooding your mind. A great book that I was recommended was a guided meditation book on Buteyko breathing.
  • The most important thing that I can say is that always remember that the feeling of despair and anguish will pass. It will go. You will fight through it and you will come out the other side. It can be extremely hard to bear that in mind at times. Keep positive and prepare affirmations that you tell yourself when you feel those dark thoughts creep up on you.

As you can tell, it hasn’t been an easy ride for me but I’m getting there. I just hope that someone out there is able to apply something from my story to their own life. All I ask is that if you are considering taking antidepressants then please please please consider alternative treatment. I truly believe that depression is hugely caused by your environment so look at your current surroundings. What can you do to improve the situation? What can you do to make your life better? Change of diet? Most importantly get moving…exercise…run…do whatever because once you do it and it becomes a habit within your life, you are ultimately saving your life, preventing the urge for a quick fix, but long-term hindrance of antidepressants. Life is too short and too precious to be numb and emotionless.

Good Luck : )

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About the Creator

KC

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