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Sensitive Dude: Vacations

Is Your Idea of a Vacation Very Different From What Others Have in Mind? Here's How to Cope With the Disparity

By Sensitive DudePublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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If you're a highly sensitive person, hanging around in loud, crowded areas probably isn't how you like to spend your time.

Sensory-Processing Sensitivity is a big deal to those living with it (15-20 percent of the population). I have SPS, so my pen name is Sensitive Dude. If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP) or want to learn more about SPS, then I'm writing to you.

The Soul Crusher

There have been times when I've needed a vacation so very, very badly. Then, at long last, the awaited vacation arrives; and it's a torturous hell. The kind of vacation where you say, "I should've just worked instead." The kind of vacation where you need a vacation after your vacation. Instead, you're stuck going back to the same old grind; opportunity lost. It feels similar to when something beautiful, sweet, and precious dies; such as a favorite pet. It's a heartbreaking waste. It's a soul crusher.

I'm sure some non-HSP's are reading this thinking, "This dude is nuts." Or, "What a drama queen." No, sir. No, madam. I'm neither of those things. I live in a state of perpetual stress—due to the way my brain processes the input from my five senses. Pretty much the entire world seems too loud, too bright, too cluttered, too patterned, too colorful, too rough to the touch, and too smelly. Even the amount of sugar in most food and drink is too much for my taste. Yuck.

I'm going to throw in a quick note about men with Sensory-Processing Sensitivity: We're not sissies. We're just guys. Whether you realize it or not, you know a few. Let's just say we're the fishermen who like to hang out on a boat on the lake, but may not care whether we catch any fish. Just being there is great. We're the husbands who putter around in the garage or garden, but may or may not get a lot done. We need the puttering itself, for the solitude, and space it gives us. On the other hand, being sensitive is basically acceptable for women in our society. In a way, that's slapping an unfair label on them too. Just my two cents. Take it or leave it.

So, back to vacations. When I imagine a break from my normal routine and commitments, I'm dreaming of a magical time wherein I'm not overstimulated. Or, if there are periods of high stimulation, then at the very least there's also nice, fat stretches of low stimulation, so that I can recuperate.

How many times in my 46 years do you think I've had a vacation that was just what I needed?

Once.

Here's how my unexpectedly perfect vacation went down. I went camping in the wilderness with a professional painter. The kind who paints art, not houses. We'd only been buds a short while, so I didn't know him that well. What I didn't realize was that, during the trip, he was going to ditch me all day long, every day. He walked around, found scenes of nature, set up his art supplies, and then got to work being arty (is that a word?). I had a book. So I laid on a big rock in the middle of a stream and read. Yeah, the whole time. The awesome was cranked to 11. No one expected me to do shit. I've never been more at peace. I ate, drank coffee, and hung out. I saw maybe five people hiking through the area, a bear, and only three planes went by overhead (so high you couldn't even hear them). Ah, memories...

The Conflict

If you're single, have your own money and vehicle, and take your vacations alone without having to cooperate with another person... I'm jealous, and I hate you. For everyone else (well, HSPs that is), conflict over where to spend a vacation, and what to do while you're there will inevitably happen, and can become heated. In fact, strife can even crop up over what to do for the weekend, or an evening, much less vacations.This is one of life's interactions that reveals how compatible you and the people in your bubble are with one another. It's sad that an event that's supposed to be a complete blast for everyone ends up being a bone of contention instead. So how do you get the best results possible?

The Blend

Everyone is an individual, of course, but generally speaking HSPs don't want their buttons pushed by anything remotely resembling chaos. They live through enough of those experiences already. Their heartfelt wish is to get a break from it at least once a year. On the other hand, non-HSPs might have an equal need to let loose, and get loud; the more people involved the better.

Neither should give up what they want, in my opinion. Neither person is wrong, or bad, or selfish. They're just different. I 100 percent believe that the two types of vacations can be blended together. It's a big, complex Earth we live on. Experiences that are the polar opposites of each other can, in fact, be found lying almost on top of one another. You need only to put your thinking cap on:

  • A plaza full of bustling, world-class shops might be just down the street from a large botanical garden riddled with peaceful nooks and crannies.
  • An exuberant festival might be held in a rural location near forests and trails.

You get the idea.

Also, there's no rule that says you have to spend every waking hour together as a couple, or group while on vacation. This is probably the most important detail of all. The solution may be as simple as splitting up, and enjoying some activities that are appropriate for each person. If you're with a person or group who cannot let you be yourself without shaming, harassing, or getting angry at you... you're with the wrong people.

In Conclusion

All it takes to have a successful vacation with others is adequate research, planning, and people who love you enough to be flexible. That's the short, easy answer. Go ahead, and try to make that work 90 percent of the time. If you're given an ultimatum, such as "It's my way or the highway," take the highway. You have nothing to prove, and you're not a bad person simply for being born sensitive to stimulation. Remember, there's one last option. You can always take your own vacation.

'Til next time,

- Sensitive Dude

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About the Creator

Sensitive Dude

Sensory-Processing Sensitivity is a big deal to those living with it (15-20 percent of the population). I have SPS. If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP) or want to learn more about SPS, then I'm writing for you.

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