She's That Girl

She's that girl in the club with her friends. While they talk amongst themselves, she has a red solo cup in her hand filled with cranberry vodka. She sips on her drink, laughing with the others, scoping out the room. One by one, all five of her friends drift away towards the guys they have been making eye contact with all night. With one left standing in the group, the alcohol hits her mind, her body, her soul, and she walks towards the balcony, overlooking the New York City skyline. Everyone else goes back inside and now she's alone, while the music in the background fades and it's fairly quiet. Emotions start to fill her mind, while the intoxication starts processing. She thinks to herself, How did I get here?How did this drink bring me back to my thoughts and feelings of loneliness when all I wanted to do was numb them? She holds back the tears. How can one person feel so empty, or so lonely, in a room filled with people?

She's the girl you would never think would feel this way. She's the girl who posts selfies on Instagram, with her lace dress and her winged eyeliner, with a pop of red lipstick. She's the girl who you'd think is so happy, the one with thousands of followers on every social platform, the one who goes out to eat sushi with her friends right after she spends hours picking out an outfit that doesn't make her look fat.

That girl is the girl who says something and then regrets it. The girl who overthinks every single word before and after it comes out of her mouth. She's the girl who looks at the reaction of the person she's talking to, and then asks for forgiveness when it wasn't the one reaction she was expecting.

She's the girl who has all of the dating apps. The one who looks for satisfaction and approval from a guy when they swipe right on her and comment on all of her pictures. She's the girl who talks to all of these guys but still can't seem to find the one to sweep her off her feet. That girl who says she's single, while her phone is blowing up with multiple unsaved numbers—asking her to come over.

She is the girl who has been hurt countless times by boys, friends, and even her family. She's the one who's scared to give her heart to somebody with the fear that she will be hurt again. She's the girl who does it anyways, and regrets it shortly after.

She's the girl who feels the change in your tone of voice, even through text message, and she's the girl who is anxious enough to ask you what she has done wrong, even if it wasn't her.

She is the girl who will lie in her bed in the dark, sobbing, not understanding why she feels this way, not understanding why she feels so heavily, loves so hard, and doesn't think she's good enough. That's the girl who lays awake at night, not understanding how she got here or why these feelings are so constant.

This is the girl who still has dreams, aspirations, and in the midst of it all, still tries to make something out of herself. Even when the whole world seems to be against her.

That same girl is the one who will eventually find happiness, who will find love, both in herself and in someone else. One day, she won't be that same girl who felt so lost in the world.