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So I Had a Nervous Breakdown...

It was deserved, lol.

By LilithVPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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I am diagnosed as having Aspergers. I don't put much into it anymore. I am quirky and particular. I have had many EKGs, but not one doctor could explain any of it.

When you combine PTSD and Aspergers, it can be a harsh combination. I used to have these meltdowns, nervous breakdowns, whatever you want to call them... every single day. Either they would kick off one day and then continue for days, or they would start different every morning. I was extremely mean and violent to myself when the episodes would happen. This was almost my entire first year in Colorado. My amazing husband would pick me up out of every single one them.

By 2018, I had enough of them. I knew when they were coming and I knew what it felt like. I didn't, however, know how to make them stop. When the episodes would happen, it felt like my brain was on fire and I could not match my thoughts with my words. One thing would come out of my mouth and in my head, I would be crying. I was exhausted and done. It had to stop one way or another. June 26, 2018, I made them stop. It was terrifying and relieving at the same time. I would sit there and wait for them to be triggered and it wouldn't happen. One day became one week, one week became a month. Eventually, a month turned into almost 10 months as of today.

The more I learn, the more I realize humans need a box to put people in. They seem to need the diagnosis to define who they are or who someone else is because it is hard to deal with your own shit. Do I believe some people have mental or physical issues? Yes. But as I have previously stated in another article... I think people are extremely over-diagnosed. Doctors and scientists need labels for people they do not understand because unfortunately, humans won't accept that some things are unexplainable.

It is all mind over matter. I had to learn how I really work and what my personal quirks are. My husband really does know me better than I do myself and he would help me figure it all out. I learned what triggered me. I learned mindfulness without being a doormat. I am still learning how to handle difficult people. I now know when I just have to walk away and what my limits are.

Do I have my moments? Well, yes. I just had three major dental procedures done in three weeks with a lot of pain involved. On top of that, I had to let go of some toxic people and still maintain a level head. I knew with all of this going on, it was also affecting my husband so I kept calm. I started having night terrors on top of all of it and I snapped. I cried, I screamed and I slept a lot, but I always reminded myself it would pass. My husband held me the whole time. It passed. All of it passed in less than three days. Mind you, I still miraculously functioned when I needed to and I controlled what came out of my mouth.

I stopped my meltdowns... STOPPED them. No doctors help, no pills. Would this work for everyone? Probably not... but it did for me. I am thankful every single day that I no longer lose my mind. I am learning how to live to enjoy, not survive to live. Now I have to learn to trust more and continue building an empire with my husband. Rome wasn't built in a day.

recovery
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About the Creator

LilithV

I am happily married to my very best friend. My passions are healing, occult, history, religion, theology, and psychology. I write all from personal life experiences and all my writings are non-fiction.

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