Social Anxiety - Personal Experiences

Social anxiety is something that affects a lot of people. Though it is most common in teenagers, it also affects adults. I'm mostly going to talk about personal experiences and if you would like more information, follow the link to the NHS page (https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/).

In secondary school (year 7 to year 9), I was always the quiet one. I hated being called on in class and I always worried about drawing attention to myself in any way. But I didn't think anything of it. We're not really taught about mental health until our GCSE years and even then, we don't get formally told about it. We just get asked if we're "doing okay" if the teachers notice something is off with us.

By year 10/ 11, I knew of social anxiety (or social phobia, as it is also called) but was unsure as to whether or not it applied to me. I knew I had some of the symptoms but wasn't sure if I needed a professional diagnosis or if I could just know. Then things started to get worse. I worried more about what the people around me thought and walking through the corridors made my skin crawl. There was a lot going on around that time and I was struggling to keep up with my thoughts and emotions, so I sought help. I went to the school nurse about some things that had happened and she referred me to our school counsellor. Now, at this time, I was less focused on the social aspect of my anxiety and more focused on my moods and thought processes. A lot of what was going on at the time had taken its toll. The counselling helped quite a lot. I was feeling a little isolated. I didn't want to talk to any of my friends or family about what was going on because I didn't want them to worry. So a professional was the best way to go. And I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

As I went into my first year of A-Levels, my social anxiety got worse and worse. I suppose the first sign should have been the time when I answered a question wrong in front of the class and I felt my chest tighten and stomach turn. But again, I didn't think much of it. That was until my first full-on panic attack... I was at a friend's birthday get-together. I knew everyone there pretty well and got along with everyone great, so I thought I'd be fine. Then the first wave of nausea hit. And it only increased over the following hour until hyperventilation came with it. I can tell you now, trying to breathe to get rid of nausea when you feel like you can hardly breathe at all is scary. I excused myself and went upstairs to the bathroom in the hopes of cooling off. My hands were trembling like crazy. My body temperature felt all over the place, I felt like being sick, and I couldn't breathe properly. I thought I might pass out. So, I tried to take my mind off it. I looked around and just made a mental note of everything I could see: shower curtain, toilet roll, toothbrushed, shampoo, candles, blinds etc. And it worked. The nausea was now just a slight niggling feeling and breathing was easier.

I didn't get into the second year of A-Levels, so I went on to do an apprenticeship. Because of my mental health, I didn't do very well in interviews and it took a while to find something. I ended up moving from Leicester to Derby in the hopes of finding something here. This was a difficult move as I was moving away from everyone I knew (with the exception of my dad and step-mum because I moved in with them). I had to make new friends which I found really hard. Panic attacks got more frequent. I finally got my job placement for my apprenticeship, but it took me a while to settle in. I also isolated myself during the academy lessons which I had once a month. The back corner became my spot and I tried to say as little as possible. It sounds silly, but I felt extremely uncomfortable.

My first "Derby friend" was actually a girl I met online way before I moved. We got to know each other and we'd been talking for about three years before we finally met. The first time we met, my anxiety was quite bad. I was getting the usual symptoms of a minor panic attack. But once we started talking, it was great. One thing I've learned through the years of having social anxiety is that if you take some time to explain to people what it's like, they'll often understand. And if they don't, they'll accept it as it is.

The point of this article is to make aware to people that there are no stereotypes for social anxiety (or any mental illness for that matter). Everyone's situation is different. For example, I really enjoy working behind the bar, but when it comes to making/ taking a phone call or meeting new people on a leisurely basis, I'm a mess.

We need to eradicate the stigma around social anxiety and the only way to do this is to talk about it.